I’d been chatting with someone online for a while, when suddenly his messages became very sexually explicit said the email. "When I withdrew, he called me a coward. It was horrible to be insulted for not participating in inappropriate behavior”. To suddenly go from affectionate to sexually explicit is weird and creepy, and not what I expected on a Christian dating website. He may not be a basically sexting educated people.
I wish I could say this is the first time I have heard this kind of story, but it is not. No doubt a fair number of women reading this (and I dare say a few men) have been brought up short when friendly online banter takes a sudden diversion into sleaze. It's not what you imagine when you sign up to a Christian website. However, while most members would not dream of it, there will always be exceptions.
So, picture the scene. There you are, thinking how well things are going, how charming this person is... and unexpectedly you are assaulted with a barrage of filth! It beggars belief why anyone would do this on a Christian site. I mean, why not just go and per on one of those websites where it is the norm?
Perhaps you think I am going all Mary Whitehouse on you. Look, I get it. Being a Christian does not make you immune to sexual frustration, and many of us really struggle with that. There may be a temptation to escalate a nice chat with an attractive person into sexy talk. I mean, it is just a bit of fun, isn't it? It is not as if you are actually touching someone physically. No one is getting hurt, right...?
Wrong. When someone has dirty talk foisted upon him or her unexpectedly, it can be shocking, upsetting, disappointing, and even threatening. They have come to a Christian website with high hopes of meeting a life partner who shares their faith and moral standards. To discover that the seemingly decent person you are chatting to actually views you as a sex object or (sorry to say it) a masturbatory aid is insulting and depressing. You often do not know how to react or handle it. It can leave you feeling cynical and hopeless about ever meeting someone worthwhile. For those with a history of abusive relationships or sexual abuse (and that is many people), it can be a serious trigger.
So... do not do it. Really, just DO NOT. Check your Christian morals and ask whether you would send that text if Jesus was looking over your shoulder (spoiler: He is). Remember all that stuff He said about lust and committing adultery the heart. Remind yourself that the person on the other end is a human being, precious to God, who should be honored and protected. They will not be flattered; they will be insulted, distressed, or scared. You have no idea of their history and how sexting will affect them, but you do know they are hoping for better. So have some respect!
Now, to the victims of that sexting or grubby emails, be assured that you are not to wame for the other person's behavior, even if they imply you have led them on or encouraged it (that is a standard manipulation technique). There are a million miles between a little mild flirtation and explicit messages. Never allow yourself to be drawn into any exchange you are not completely comfortable with.
First, it will be sexy talk, next it will be requests for nude Photos and webcams ... someone sent me a dubious message, they might get one warning if it was not too explicit and feel it might be an error of judgment or a misunderstanding. However, most likely I would shut the communication down swiftly and without warning - a simple, I don't appreciate that kind of talk . I know it is not easy - we have all been taught to be polite. If we have been chatting for a while, we might feel some obligation or investment in the ‘relationship’. However, it is important to protect your boundaries, and you have every right to bail without warning if someone makes you uncomfortable. While you are blocking them, send a report to the website administrators, to alert them and protect other potential victims.
Crucially, do not beat yourself up. We have misjudged people. We have all been disappointed. We have all felt hopeless. However, most people are not perverts or predators, so do not give into cynicism, or lose hope. Once you have dusted yourself off and licked your wounds (or if you are like me, turned it into an entertaining story!), get back on that horse a little wiser, and ready to meet someone better.
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