Let's clear one thing up right at the beginning. The French did not actually invent the French Kiss. In fact, in France they don’t even call it a French Kiss. To them it’s a soul kiss or a tongue kiss or, more strangely, they use the slang phrase to roll a shovel.Fortunately, they say this in French(Mrouler une pelle)so rolling a shovel still comes out sounding pretty romantic. Nobody really knows when our ancestors began using their tongues while kissing, but the practice is at least hundreds of years old, and probably goes back many thousands of years. The term "French Kiss" entered the English language shortly after World War I, apparently coined by American and British soldiers who were either impressed or scandalized by the passionate nature of the French.
Though the term may have originally been intended as a slam against what was perceived to be a promiscuous interest in sex, people ever since that time have been grateful to the French for their invention.
For many people, the French Kiss is THE KISS, most intimate and sensual of kisses. During a French Kiss the lips part and the tongue comes out to caress and explore a partner's lips, tongue and mouth. Someone who has never tried this before may wonder why anyone would find it appealing. You are, after all, swapping a fair amount of spit and germs in the process. To fully appreciate why it's worth the trouble, the French Kiss has to be experienced one of its nicknames, the Soul Kiss, offers a clue to its popularity. Sensual tongue kisses can make us feel a connection to our partner that seems to go beyond the physical, to a feeling that our souls are merging, as if we're intermingling a fundamental part of our core being. From our earliest days our tongue was used to help us explore and understand the world, and that pattern of behavior runs deep within us, helped along by the tongue's extraordinary sensitivity, and by the chemical markers in our saliva that help our subconscious mind determine if we've picked a suitable partner for procreating.
Getting the Timing Right
The first thing to remember about the French Kiss is that it should not be the kiss you lead off with. Passion and intimacy are things that need to be built up to — and the French Kiss is a passionate, intimate kiss. Though we talked about this earlier, it comes up so often when women discuss what they don’t like about their partner’s kissing style that it bears repeating. Many men try to move things along too quickly with their partner, bringing their tongues out before she's ready physically or emotionally. For many women, a man who thrusts his tongue into her mouth with little or no lead up to that moment is like having a guy try to feel her up after they've just been introduced. It may meet his timetable for the ideal romantic encounter, but it almost certainly won’t meet hers.
Part of the challenge with timing involves some basic biology: As a general rule, the average man gets aroused more quickly than the average woman. He is ready to move forward, she is not. That is important to take into account because a successful French Kiss isn't just about technique, it's also about being in the right mood. A tongue that feels like a big, damp noodle to someone who’s not ready for it, can become sexy and stimulating and very welcome once a bit of passion has built up.
If you're a man who has a tendency to hurry things along, becoming more patient and committing to your partner’s desire to feel connected emotionally can pay you big dividends. Take the time to give her the kind of affection and kisses she needs to feel close to you, and, ultimately, you're far more likely to find yourself with a passionate, enthusiastic companion later on.
Knocking at the Door
You begin a French Kiss by asking a question, but you do so wordlessly. Even if you preferred to ask your partner's permission before giving them a first kiss, it's best not to verbalize a request for a French Kiss. There's just no graceful way to ask, "May I stick my tongue in your mouth?" But there is a graceful way to ask nonverbally. Think of it as knocking at the door to see if they'd like to come out and play.
Whether you've been kissing your partner with lips closed or slightly parted, open them a little wider now, but not too much. Just enough to let your tongue pass between your lips and very lightly brush across your partner's mouth. If they've been anticipating this moment, they may react instantly by bringing their tongue out to meet yours. If there is no immediate reaction it doesn't necessarily mean they've rejected the idea. Sometimes it takes the person on the receiving end a moment or two to switch kissing modes. Pull your tongue in and make a seamless transition back to Iips-only kissing.This lets your partner know that you're okay with whatever they decide.
They may mirror your move and you'll feel their tongue on your lips. If so, bring your tongue back out and begin playing with their tongue, using gentle, massaging moves.
Playing Hard to Get
For men, in particular, there's another approach you can use, one that can be very effective with the right partner. You can decide to take patience to a new level. You might think of it as turning the tables in a playful way. Men are so used to being the ones who push things to the next stage and women are so used to putting on the breaks, that it can be fun to switch roles.
Remember that the number one complaint from women is that men leap too quickly into using the tongue. So be the guy she's been waiting for. The one who takes his time. The one who gives long, lingering romantic kisses using only the lips. Let passion build, and, then, build some more. Then, at the point when most men would bring their tongue out, do the unexpected — don't. Hold back. Let her level of anticipation build. Even after things have started to heat up leave that tongue holstered. Wait for her to become so eager for deeper kisses that she moves things forward herself, and you'll be able to enjoy that very pleasant moment when you fed her tongue gently brushing your lips, asking for more.
And if she doesn't take the initiative? There can be lots of reasons. She may not be ready, she may be shy, or she may prefer to stick to very traditional male-female roles when it copies to romance. Even if that's how it works out and you do eventually end up being the first one to bring out the tongue, spending extra time with the Basic Romantic Kiss is hardly a bad thing. You’ve probably just given your partner an exceptionally nice time and, hopefully, had one yourself.
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