A Few More Kissing Tips
French kissing and longer make-out sessions tend to go together. As the number of kisses that get strung together increases and passions rise, you'll want to avoid some common rookie mistakes while also taking the most of every moment you spend with your partner. Here are some tips that address both topics.
Tip 1: Tend To Those Basic Bodily Functions
In other words, while kissing continue to breathe and swallow regularly. While that may sound like strange advice, the fact is French Kissing is a very involving activity that can last for many minutes at a time, and people sometimes do become so caught up in the experience that they stop drawing breath or swallowing. Unfortunately for them, when it comes to keeping things sexy and seductive, gasping for air or drooling excess saliva are not high on the list of popular moves.
Of course, normally, breathing and swallowing just happen without us thinking about it. We can control these activities when we want, but usually they function on autopilot. That is, until we become excited or stressed. Then the muscles in our gut or throat may tighten up, throwing these self-regulating systems out of whack. When we feel this happen it's time to take action before we end up with too little air in our lungs or too much spit in our mouth.
If you suddenly realize you've got a build-up of saliva that is about to ooze out onto your partner you can save the moment by pulling back to gaze lovingly into their eyes, and, with a sexy, closed-mouth smile (think Mona Lisa), use this pause to swallow and clear the decks A pause like this also works if you're about to pass out from lack of oxygen. In this case, a deep breath and a long, appreciative sigh provides a nice romantic touch and a good way to re-oxygenate
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When you return to kissing your partner, remember to breathe through your nose. This will allow you to continue kissing uninterrupted, and will also help reduce the amount of saliva your mouth produces.
Tip 2: Don't Thrust Your Tongue Too Far Into Your Partner's Mouth
While you may have a partner who likes this move, most people don't. So tread carefully unless you know for sure that a deep tongue thrust will meet with approval.
Sometimes a person performs this maneuver in the mistaken belief that pushing their tongue deep into their partner's mouth is a pathway to heightened levels of passion. Usually, it isn't- Not only does it tend to cut off the other person's ability to breathe, but straining to reach that far back into someone’s mouth turns a soft, pliable tongue into a hard, rigid muscle that's far less pleasing to make contact vrith.
The most sensitive part of the tongue is the tip and that's true of the mouth in general — almost all the most delightfully ticklish nerve endings are concentrated toward the front of the mouth, which is a good reason to focus your explorations there. Reaching toward the back, the most sensitive thing that you're likely to come into contact with is your partner’s gag reflex.
Tip 3: Avoid Kissing in a Robotic Way
In other words, avoid repetitive, machine-like tongue maneuvers when kissing. Kisses like this have been given all sorts of nicknames:jackhammer, piston, woodpecker, blender. What these names all have in common is that they describe kisses that are too fast, too hard and way too repetitious. The person whose tongue twirls endlessly like a blender or thrusts rapidly in and out of their partner’s mouth like a woodpecker may believe that these are effective displays of passion because so much energy is being spent, but on the receiving end actions like this can feel mechanical and uninspired, as if the person doing all this twirling and thrusting is disconnected from any real emotion.
Awareness is often the difference between moves that feel just right and moves that feel forced or out of place. As I have mentioned before, when someone is nervous they may have difficulty tuning into their own feelings, let alone their partner's reactions. That is when it's easy to overdo things.
If you find yourself accidentally giving your partner one of those machine-like kisses, slow the action down and relax. Remind yourself that kissing is about the journey, not the destination. If you have difficulty loosening up, Chapter 9 provides exercises that can help you fully enjoy what's going on by staying in the moment.
Before leaving this topic, it’s important to point out that not all repetition is bad. For example, moves like rolling the tongue in easy, sensual circles around a partner’s tongue, or sliding a soft, lusty tongue several times in and out of a partner's mouth can be highly pleasurable.
At the right moment, intense, high-energy kisses (that aren't robotic) can also be a good thing. As things heat up, mixing in some harder, faster kisses can heighten the expe-rience, as long as they flow naturally out of the moment and aren't overdone.
Tip 4: End a French Kiss Smoothly
Whether a French Kiss lasts a few brief moments or is a lengthy snog that goes on and on, you'll reach a point where it feels right to end the kiss. When that moment arrives, avoid abruptly jerking yourself away from your partner's lips as if something is suddenly wrong We discussed this in the last chapter ifs even more important here because a French Kiss feels so intimate. Unless you’re being intentonally playful, a jarring move like this can break the romantic spell and make a good kiss feel suddenly clumsy.
It isn’t hard to subtly cue your partner that the kiss is coming to an end. It usually happens naturally because you feels right but sometimes people don't realize that great sensual kisses have a beginning, middle and end.
To end a French Kiss gracefully, simply reverse what you did to get into the kiss in the first place. Begin by slowing down the tongue action, then withdraw your tongue and continue kissing with your lips closed. From there, relax your lips and gentiy Jean bade to break contact. That’s all there is to it. Depending on how hot and heavy things were, a smooth end to the kiss can be as short as the time it takes to describe what to do, or you may want to spend a little more time slowing down and giving lips-only kisses. The moment after you've separated from their lips is a lovely time to gaze at your partner's face and give them a warm, appreciative smile. Moving back in for a tender peck on the lips, neck or forehead is also a nice way to cap off the moment vvith a sweet gesture
Tip 5： During a Long Make Out Session Think Like a Composer.
You’ve reached the point where you’re French Kissing a partner,you’re also stringing more than just a couple kisses together.When you reach this make out stage it is not a bad idea to take a Jesson or two from the worid of music.
Most popular songs don't vary much. A romantic ballad, for instance, usually stays soft and silky from start to finish, vvhile a hard-driving rock number keeps its soaring guitars and thumping bass going until the last note rings out. That sameness is okay because most popular songs are short, coming in at around three minutes. But what if a piece of music lasts thirty minutes or more as classical music often does? Sameness for that length of time gets pretty stale. Successful composers of longer forms of music know that if they mix soft, romantic passages and dramatic, intense passages together the contrast can enhance the effect of each.
It's no different with kissing Give your partner a few kisses and variety doesn't matter much. Kiss your partner for many minutes and its a good idea to orchestrate some change-up song the way as with a piece of music that captivates us with its shifting meLody, orchestrating the experience of necking by mixing in some softer passages among the more intense moments makes for a richer experience.
Ever skillful kisser knows that one of the most erotic moves they can make is to pull back from a series of passionate kisses, just enough to tease their partner. Moments like that create a sense of anticipation, letting the ache of longing and desire build just enough to make the next soul kiss when it comes crackle with energy.
Romance and passion complement each other. Gentle, romantic kisses help establish an emotional connection that allows feelings to flow more easily when we move into erotic tongue kissing; after some passionate necking, if we return again to a gentler, more romantic style of kissing we can experience tender feelings that are infused with a tingling undercurrent of heat.
Tip 6: Don’t Be Afraid to Stick With Tried and True Moves
While I emphasize creativity in other places in this book, it isn't always necessary or even desirable to get wildly imaginative with every kiss or make-out session. There will be times when you and your partner will feel adventuresome or playful, in the mood to amp up the excitement by trying something completely original.But there will probably also be many occasions when a very comfortable familiarity is what you really want, to sink deeply into some tried and true expressions of passion or love. That's okay. Every kiss doesn’t have to be a wild ride or a test of your creativity. Your favorite kisses are your favorites for a reason, and there's nothing wrong with revisiting them again and again. Most people develop favorite feel-good moves. That's not necessarily the same thing as falling into a rut. It’s a good idea to stay open to new possibilities, but if a move feels good to you don't stop just for the sake of variety. Tune into what you and your partner are feeling at that moment, and let those emotions guide your approach.
Tip 7: Move Beyond the Lips
Of course. Around your partner’s face and neck are lots of kissable places that you'll want to begin exploring. More on this topic in the next chapter.
What If Your Partner Doesn't Like To French Kiss?
Surveys show that, under the right conditions, a large majority of both sexes like to use their tongues while kissing, but there are some people who don't and never will. If you love to French Kiss but you are dating someone who just isn't into it, it does not good to argue that they're wrong. They are not. These are personal preferences and that happens to be theirs. How you deal with it depends on how essential French Kissing is to you and how you feel about other areas of the relationship. If you connect with your partner in ways that are important to you, is French Kissing something you can do without? In an ongoing relationship is there a compromise that can be negotiated, so that deep kisses can at least be an occasional part of your lovemaking? Or do you feel so strongly about sharing this experience with a partner, that someone who doesn't enjoy intermingling tongues seems too incompatible?
Fortunately, this is a conflict that's much more likely to show up early in a relationship. That's good because you've got a lot less at stake if their mind is made up and you decide that using your tongue is something you don't want to live without.
Long-term relationships rarely break up over a lack of French Kisses, but it may be a sign of other problems that should be addressed before they cause deeper rifts. What if you're with a partner who enjoyed French Kissing earlier in the relationship, but is now cool to the idea? If your partner still enjoys Basic Romantic Kisses, that's a good indication that he or she still feels connected emotionally. If other areas of the relationship seem solid, it may be that, with time and familiarity, your partner's arousal time has slowed- Again, for many people a French Kiss doesn't feel good unless they are somewhat turned on first. Spending more time gently bringing the level of passion up before you go into tongue kissing may provide the answer.
If on the other hand, all types of kissing have pretty much come to an end, that's often the "canary in the coal mine "alerting a couple that they may be drifting apart emotioally The sort of relationship repair counseling that may be needed is beyond the scope of this book, but when couples start experiencing trouble, kissing is often one of the fint things to go. As mentioned in Chapter 1, along with exploring other areas of the relationship (with professional guidance if needed), making a conscious decision to kiss more regularly can help reignite feelings that have begun to stagnate.
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