If This Is Your First Romantic Kiss
When someone has not yet to experience their first romantic kiss, it's natural to feel nervous about getting the mechanics of it right. How do you keep the noses from bumping? Should I close my eyes or keep them open? Trying to work out those questions on your own can be difficult. Unfortunately, this uncertainty is often the cause of a lot of unnecessary anxiety, and nothing spoils a good kiss like a bad case of nerves. Most novice kissers aren’t afraid that they won’t be able to figure it all out eventually — after all, they know that people have been doing exactly that for thousands of years. What really scares them is the thought that, on their few attempts, they'll fumble around and make a fool of themselves with someone that they really kind of like and want to impress.
If you’re a kissing novice and that describes your situation, I have good news: The basic romantic kiss isn’t complicated or difficult, and the first time you try it will almost certainly go far better than the worst-case scenario that may be playing on an endless loop in your mind. Kissing usually comes naturally if we're able to relax, but it's easy to trip yourself up if you're new at it and feeling unsure of yourself. That is where little information can help. The questions we'll cover in this chapter include:
• What should that first kiss be like?
• How do I keep our noses from bumping?
• Should I kiss with my eyes opened or closed?
• How can I make the Basic Romantic Kiss feel really good?
• Should I move my head when we kiss?
• What should I do with my hands?
• How long should a first kiss last?
• How do I end the kiss?
• Is there a way to practice kissing without a partner?
By the end of this chapter you'll know the answers to the most common questions that inexperienced kissers wonder about (and sometimes obsess over) In fact, it is very possible that, after reading this chapter, you’ll have all you need to make your first attempt very successful and leave your partner wondering how many times you've done this before. Even more importantly, you'll find it easier to relax and enjoy that first experience.
What Should That First Kiss Be Like?
Light, soft and gentle. No tongues. Simple as that. The experience of touching lips for the first time has so much electricity already going for it that nothing else is needed. In fact, more than that and you risk spoiling the moment. Enthusiasm and passion are fantastic as long as they don't cause you to get pushy. Your goal should be to leave your partner wanting more, not make her back away from you out of self defense or put on the breaks at the end of the first meaningful physical contact you share together.
How Do I Keep Our Noses from Bumping?
The answer, of course, is to tilt your head as you make your approach. Easy enough, but the trick to avoiding a collision is for you and your partner to tilt your heads in opposite directions. For couples who've kissed before this generally isn't a problem, but new lovers are facing the unknown-True, kissing is, as already stated, just another form of communication and, hopefully, you have tuned into your partner's body language. But in those moments before you first connect, full of anticipation and excitement, it's easy to misread your partner's cues as you become caught up in the experience.
In this frame of mind, how do you prevent an awkward little nose smack? When in doubt it's best to play the odds. Research has shown that twice as many people tilt their heads to the right when kissing. According to a German biopsy chologist at Ruhr University, that personal preference may be based in biology. During their final weeks in the womb, it has been noted that the majority of babies tilt their heads to the right, as do newborns. It seems that for most of us the tendency to tilt to the right is built into our machinery.
But suppose science, the odds and reading your partner's vibe all let you down, and your noses do connect before your lips ever have a chance to. Not quite the romantic moment you'd envisioned, perhaps, but an excellent opportunity to see if your partner has a sense of humor. If so, that little mishap may turn into something even better than a perfect first kiss: Sharing a laugh together can be pretty romantic, too, and you’ll be more relaxed when a moment later you lean in and your lips do connect.
Should I Kiss with My Eyes Opened Or Closed?
To the perennial question,"Eyes opened or closed?" the answer is... it depends. It's a good idea to keep your eyes open as you move in for a kiss — it helps prevent bumping noses or missing mouths altogether. But as the lips connect, most people let their eyes close for the actual kiss .
Again, science has a sound explanation for why. When somebody shuts off the lights in a room, the pupils in our eyes dilate (that is, they become bigger) so that we can see better in the darkness. Our pupils also dilate when we become aroused by a kiss. This automatic physical response fools our brain into thinking it's dark, and our natural reaction to this mistaken message is to close our eyes. That explanation is fine, but there's another one that makes at least as much sense. Kissing is an intense experience capable of dazzling the senses. For many people, shutting out visual stimuli (including an intensely close view of the other person) may be a way of preventing sensory overload. Better to close the eyes and let the entire focus be on the one thing that matters most in that moment — the intimate touch of a kiss.
Incidentally, the preference for eyes opened or closed during a kiss varies between the sexes. One Canadian study found that 97 percent of women close their eyes while kissing, compared to 37 percent of men. Other studies haven't found the gap to be quite this wide, but, nonetheless, have confirmed that men have a stronger preference for peeking during a romantic kiss. Why the difference? It may be that men,being visual creatures, find that the added stimulation of want to see partner's reaction heightens their own experience of kissing. Women, who are often more adept at turning into their feelings, may find it easier than men to be swept up in the pure emotion of the moment without craving any extra visual stimulus. If you're a man,the difference is worth taking into account. Some women find disconcerting if, in the middle of a long sensuous kiss, the eyes flutter open only to find a giant eyeball staring at them. Especially the relationship is new and trust are not fully established, a woman might resent the feeling of being watched at such a moment, and wonder why you’re not caught up in the experience as she is.
If you do wish to maintain visual contact during a ma" session, but have reason to believe your partner tense of the big one-eyed Cyclops effect that occurs when you opened at very close range, there's no reason to disturb the romantic mood. Every now and then, gently break off kissing and pull back just far enough to gaze affectionately into your partner’s eyes.
Once the relationship is firmly established, you partner may find that, sometimes, keeping your eyes open while kissing is a sexy way of intensifying the experience. Until that comfort level is reached, however, eyes closed is likely to make the experience more comfortable for your partner.
How Can I Make the Basic Romantic Kiss Feel Really Good?
As stated earlier, great first kisses are soft. This usually comes naturally because lips are soft, but an inexperienced kisser may unintentionally do things that make their lips feel hard and less pleasant to touch. A common mistake is to form the lips into an exaggerated pucker. This resembles the O-shape that young children sometimes form their mouth into when they're about to kiss an elderly relative. Unfortunately, someone who’s new to kissing may think that this is the proper way to shape the mouth for a romantic kiss, but it is a sure way to break any magical, romantic spell that's been brewing. Contracting the muscles around the lips in this way produces a wrinkly 'fish lips' effect that not only looks awkward, but, worse, creates a rigid, unyielding surface to kiss.
The opposite of puckering is to purse the lips, but it has a similar effect.Nervous kissers sometimes draw their mouth so tightly closed that the lips become a thin, firm line, rather than full and soft. When this happens, the person on the receiving end may wonder if their partner is kissing them reluctantly, because a mouth this tightly sealed feels closed-off and uninviting, the equivalent of someone folding their arms protectively across their chest. In reality, being unfriendly or distant may be the last thing that's intended. Even when someone is enthusiastic about kissing, it's possible for them to purse their lips by mistake. When this happens, it's usually due to inexperience or shyness. The person may be so intent on pleasing their partner that they tense up and their lips draw tightly closed without any conscious effort. If this happens to you, remember to slow down, take a deep breath and relax. Of course you want to please your partner, but you should also find the experience highly pleasurable yourself. Remember to not take it all so seriously and give yourself permission to fully enjoy the moment; this can help put things in perspective and minimize any pre kiss jitters. And if you do realize after pressing your lips to your partner that you've tensed the muscles around your mouth, simply loosen up mid-kiss. If you readjust your lips so that they are soft and sensual, the kiss that results is all that your partner is likely to notice or remember.
By the way, keep in mind that soft doesn't mean kissing with lips that are entirely loose and shapeless. That’s going to the other extreme and it leads to a kiss that feels boringly passive. The easiest way to get a sense of what this means is to try a little experiment. With your lips completely relaxed press them against the back of your hand.Then kiss the back of your hand again, but this time engage the muscles around the mouth just a little bit. With this second kiss you should feel the lips give somewhat but also retain some of their shape. Can you feel the difference between the two kisses? With the first kiss, the lips feel mushy and lifeless. No fun there. But with a slight adjustment, the second kiss comes alive and it will be far more exciting to the person on the receiving end. The change is subtle, but it makes a difference. If you kiss your partner with intention, that is, kiss softly but like you really mean it, they'll be able to feel your presence behind the kiss.When you do reach the stage where you and a partner are kissing more passionately, rocking your head back and forth is one way to up the sensuality and provide variety. Of course, rocking your head isn’t really the point, even though if what were likely to notice when we see people kiss passionately in the movies, in real life, what's important isn't how it looks but how it feels, so don't bother trying to imitate what you have seen on the screen which may be exaggerated for dramatic effect. Instead, focus on the pleasurable sensations that are created for you and your partner,too.
When you connect with your partner’s mouth,your lips can remain closed. This is a safe approach to a very pleasant kiss, but another small change can make a kiss feel even nicer. The skin on our upper and lower lips that touches when our mouth is closed doesn't receive as much exposure as the outer part of our lips, and because of this it's softer, warmer and more sensitive to touch. A kiss that includes a little of this skin has a bit more going for it — not only is this part of our mouth very contact friendly, it also makes a kiss feel a shade more intimate and personal. To bring this area into play, as you move in to kiss your partner part your lips slightly. Again, this is a subtle change that I’m suggesting, nothing extreme. Do not overdo it by opening your mouth wide as if you're about to slip your tongue out or swallow your partner's face. Take your partner it should still feel like closed-mouth kiss, just a very good one. Imagine parting your lips just enough to slip a very thin wafer about the size of a quarter between your lips and you have the right idea.
With your lips parted this way, they will naturally tend to flare out slightly when they come into contact with your partner's lips, exposing the edge of tins inner lip to your partner. If you want, you can expose a little more by slightly contracting the muscles around your mouth. This probably sounds like something I just warned you not to do, and, technically, this could be considered a slight pucker, but the emphasis should be on slight. You only need to have a little of tins inner lip make contact with your partner to achieve the desired effect.
Another key to a great first kiss is to make sure that your lips fit perfectly against your partner's lips, that they mesh so well it feels meant to be. A good way to do this is to aim your kiss so that it lands on either your partner's upper or lower lips. In other words, where your upper and lower lips come together to be skin curves in to create an indented space along the mouth line. When you kiss, place your partner's upper or lower lip into that space so that you get the maximum amount of skin torching skin. Don't worry if your aim is off a little bit. This is a forgiving process. If you don't hit it right on, you can adjust the placement of your lips during the kiss. This movement up or down your partner's mouth can even make the kiss a more sensual experience.
Should I Move My Head When We kiss?
When it’s a first kiss most people don’t move about much, if at all. Moving the head from side to side while kissing is usually done when things start to get more passionate and the kisses last longer. The first kiss is usually short and sweet and doesn't require a lot of variety to make it exciting. The act of bringing your lips together for the first time has plenty of excitement to it, even if you do no more than gently touch mouths. If you prefer, subtle movements are okay. Bigger movements are more sensual than small movements, however, and during those early kisses a lot of brushing of lips back and forth across a partner's mouth is likely to feel out of place or premature.
When you do reach the stage where you and a partner are kissing more passionately, rocking your head back and forth is one way to up the sensuality and provide variety. Of course, rocking your head isn’t really the point, even though it’s what were likely to notice when we see people kiss passionately in the movies, in real life, what's important isn't how it looks but how it feels, so don't bother trying to imitate what you have seen on the screen which may be exaggerated for dramatic effect. Instead, focus on the pleasurable sensations that are created for you and your partner when your lips slide over theirs. Do that and your moves will be just right.
What Should I Do With My Hands?
While it's perfectly okay to kiss your partner without touching them with your hands, for most people, even as early as a tint kiss, it feels natural to include some sort of caress as part of the experience. When it's a first kiss, the safest places to touch are the shoulder, the upper arm or the back. A hand placed gently on the shoulder or arm as you come in for a kiss extends the sense of connection. Moving from a hug into a first kiss also feels very sweet and affectionate — it's an easy transition if you loosen the hug enough to pull back and momentarily gaze at your partner before lowering your gaze to their lips and moving in for the kiss.
When you progress to stringing kisses together, keep your touch consistent with the mood of the moment and each partner's comfort level. If you are kissing in a soft and tender way, your touch should feel the same. Gently moving a hand over your partners cheek and down their neck, running your spread fingers through their hair, touching their ear, cupping their face in your hands, or stroking the sensitive area at the back of the neck are ways to add to the sensual experience of those early, romantic kisses.
How Long Should a First Kiss Last?
First kisses are usually brief, lasting just a moment or two. It's more about making that first connection, so don't worry about creating a big moment of passion. In fact, going too fast and making out too early has doomed many promising relationships. usually better to let the relationship develop over time, rather than start intensely and risk flaming out just as quickly.
Of course, the more kisses you share with a partner the longer they tend to last, and some kisses can go on for many minutes, but even when you're at that stage, you'll want to change things up, inserting some short kisses among the longer ones to keep things fresh and interesting.
How Do / End the Kiss?
After kissing, it is better not to yank yourself away abruptly,something nervous first-time kissers sometimes do. There's a better approach that ends the kiss on a high note. Just as you start to gently pull away relax your lips. This signals your partner to do the same and usually has the effect of creating that little ''smack sound that's associated with kissing. Open your eyes as you as move back, and gaze at your partner with a slight smile to let them know the experience has meant something to you. This glowing moment: after a good kiss is the perfect opportunity for meaningful communication. If this is a good-night kiss this is an ideal time to say something about how much you’ve enjoyed being together, or, if the date isn’t over yet and you’re not saying good-night, pay your date some other appropriate compliment to keep that good feeling going.
Is There a Way to Practice Kissing Without a Partner?
To kiss takes two participants, so logically it would seem that a duo is required to practice kissing, but that's not true. While it does help to have a willing partner to hone your skill once you’re beyond the basics, if you've never kissed before or are fairly inexperienced there are some time-honored ways to practice on your own. Why consider practicing? Two reasons: First, when the moment comes to press your lips to that all important someone you have been dreaming about, you’ll probably be less nervous if you’ve already put your lips through a test run. And, second, kissing is a skill and you can get better at it by practicing — the advantage to practicing on your own is that there is no pressure and you can take all the time you want to experiment and adjust how you kiss.
There's a long tradition of adolescents trying to figure out what their very first kiss will be like by smooching pillows, photographs in magazines and even their image in a mirror, but this is of limited value when it comes to determining how your kisses really feel. If you want to know if you’re over puckering your lips or leaving them too loose, using too much pressure or too little, without a partner the best way to find out is to kiss your hand.
While it may sound silly, the fact is our hands are very sensitive to touch, making them an excellent stand in to practice on. No, it won't duplicate the experience of kissing a partner. How could it? Any more than a batting cage duplicates the experience of hitting off a pitcher in an actual game. But it can help you get a sense of how well your kisses are working.
The first thing you'll want to do is to find a location where you won't be disturbed. A private room with a lock on the door helps. That way you can concentrate on learning without the distraction of worrying about being embarrassed by someone walking in on you.
Some people opt to practice by kissing either the back of their hand or their palm, both of which work fine, but if you want to kiss something shaped more like a mouth you can also try kissing your fingers. This is done by holding two fingers (or your thumbs) next to each other, one above the other, so that the top one becomes the upper lip and the bottom one becomes the lower lip .
To use two fingers to practice on, simply bring the index and middle fingers of one hand together. Turn your hand so that the line between those fingers is parallel to the line of your mouth. Experiment by kissing both sides of the hand to see which you prefer. With the palm facing you, the fleshy pads of the fingers can substitute for the flesh of the lips; with the palm facing away, you can bend the fingers a little at the knuckles to mimic the curve of the mouth. If you want, separate the fingers slightly to simulate a partner's slightly parted lips.
To use your thumbs to practice on, keep the fingers of one hand together and stick the thumb out from the rest (similar to what you would do if you were about to shake someone's hand). When you do this you'll notice a V is created in the space between the thumb and index finger. Form the other hand into the same shape and slide the two Vs together so that the thumbs are resting against each other but pointing in opposite directions. Now relax the fingers and turn your clasped hands so that both thumbs are facing you.
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