You're pretty sure you know what you want, so now it’s time to go out and get it. The problem people run into is that, in this arena, as well as in other parts of life, 'good things come to those who wait’ isn’t all that true or helpful. It’s nearly impossible to explain the amount of people I’ve encountered (especially women) who sit around and wonder why they're single. I don't think this is the fault of the women; we have been socially conditioned to think that men should make the first move. While this can be undeniably romantic, in some cases it just isn't true. The fact is that just wanting, and deserving a good partner isn't enough. You must be proactive in your search for “the one” whatever your gender identity or orientation.
One of the easiest ways to narrow down the type of person you’re looking for is by using a dating site. Among twenty and thirty-year-olds, use of dating sites has become commonplace when looking for a long-term partner or even new friendships. If you're older, you may feel a bit more stigma attached when your friends find out you have a dating profile. No matter your age, don't feel burdened by stigma. Dating sites are simply tools that employ the now commonplace technology of the internet to help you find love. It's no more strange, and frankly, a good deal more practical, than meeting someone in a bar or at a party a friend is hosting. Assuming that you and the person whose profile you're perusing filled out the questionnaires truthfully, you stand a chance at finding a better match on a dating site than you do at any of the above-mentioned social interactions.
While it is true that you should meet someone in person to determine chemistry, in some ways the internet can be a great litmus test to weed out the bad ones before meeting in person If you can already hold a fantastic conversation online, chances are the person is worth pursuing, whereas the opposite is true if the conversation is stilted and awkward The only time you may want to consider disregarding this piece of advice is if the person admits to being a terrible communicator via text, but seems engaging enough for you to want to find out more. In this case, perhaps suggest a phone or Skype call.
There are so many dating sites to choose from that it can be a bit overwhelming. Based on your age range, sexual orientation, and intent, however, you can easily figure out which is the best to start an account on. Since this book is focusing on finding a soul mate, it would be best to forgo applications such as Tinder or Grindr. Admittedly, every once in a while a good connection can be made on applications such as these. For the most part, however, these sites were created as an easy way to find a hookup. Tinder is the cyber equivalent of picking up an attractive stranger in a bar: there’s barely any space to write about yourself, and people decide if they like you solely based on swiping left or right.
More useful applications and sites include OKcupid (OKC), Plenty of Fish (POF), Match, Chemistry, or eHarmony, all of which are extremely popular. There have a much more intensive questionnaire system and more accurate match filtering than you would find when just doing a general search of dating sites. These sites are free to use, although signing up to any of them as an upgraded member had benefits, such as showing up first in matches, and being able to see whether someone likes you back or has read your message.
On any site, it’s important (and fun) to fill out the questionnaires and profiles honestly and fully, because then you stand the best chance of accurate matches. Of course, you cannot guarantee that others have filled out theirs honestly, but at least you know that you haven’t hindered yourself. Being honest doesn’t mean you should be completely transparent, however. As with anything online, never include your address or phone number, and give out personally identifiable, intimate information. Don’t give away everything about yourself either—just as with traditional dating, it’s fun to have things to discover about your date.
There are pros and cons to each site, but all can appeal to a wide age range and range of intents, though some have definitely acquired reputations for generally attracting a specific audience in terms of age and intent. Based on the five sites mentioned above, the following are some considerations that you may find useful when making your decision about a suitable dating site.
OKC VS POF
I would venture to say, for example, that OKC appeals more to intellectual, politically minded people. POF, by contrast, focuses their tests on attraction levels and personality-based questions, and gives you "Chemistry Matches," or others who line up with the results of that chemistry test, in addition to general matches. Other tests on POF include the "Needs Assessment,” “Psychological Assessment,” “Keeper Test," and "Sex Test” which evaluate a variety of needs you have in a relationship, as well as some areas which may need improvement. OKC has thousands of personality questions that can be filled out at any time. Both POF and OKC offer Quick Match features, which function a little bit like Tinder with the swiping method of selecting matches, but more efficiently. On OKC, you are provided with a match percentage to guide you as you swipe. They also offer a quiz, which pops up at intervals and helps to refine your matches. It only takes a few seconds. On POF, the quick match helps refine the kind of physicality you are attracted to. OKC is particularly useful for those who are bisexual, since you can adjust your filter accordingly On POF, you can identify as bisexual, but can only match with either men or women.
Chemistry VS Match
Chemistry starts you off with its acclaimed “Personality Quiz” in which you are classified as either a Builder, Director, Explorer, or Negotiator. To determine this, you are asked a variety of questions, everything ranging from the length of your fingers to what it looks like when you doodle, to the amount of risks you take and how much respect you have for authority. They even ask about how you interpret body language. Afterward, you are asked which attributes you would like in a partner (religious, smoking habits, physical appearance, etc.) and then you start building your profile. You are matched based upon your personality type and preferences, according to the personality type that's best suited for you.
Though Chemistry is an offshoot of Match, I found Match to be much more ambiguous and less suited to specific needs someone might have when looking for a real soul mate. It asks generally the same questions as the services above, both about yourself and your potential mate. It doesn't really go as in-depth as the other sites mentioned, but one feature I particularly enjoy is the "deal breaker” option. Above each question about a potential match, you can choose to select if their answer is a deal breaker, which comes in handy.
eHarmony
eHarmony is a premiere dating site and is definitely known as the site to go to when looking for your soul mate. While you may indeed find this to be true, it is also known as a site for those who are late thirties to middle age. If this is you, perfect! If not, feel free to try it out anyway, although you may find that you prefer one of the above mentioned sites instead. eHarmony also has a sister site called Compatible Partners, which is specifically for the LGBTQ community. Both sites function using the same general question and scoring system. You are asked a question, and you then use a scale ranging from "not at all" to "Very well" to rate your answen. Next, you pick words with which to describe yourself, and then it's back to the scaling system with regard to feelings and lifestyle Overall, it does seem a very good personality indicator.
Other Sites
While I really would suggest the use of a better known site (due to the fact that more people are likely to be on them), there are a few niche sites that bear mentioning. These include sites like Christian Mingle, Farmers Only, and Our Time, which is for seniors. Whichever site you choose, it's important to go through all the question and answer sessions before filling out your self-composed profile.
Comment