The truth is that more-aggressive people care a lot of things that less-aggressive people don’t care at all. We eat out often, and frequently out of respect I will ask one of my easy-going family members where they would like to eat or what they would like to eat. And they usually say, “It doesn’t matter; I don’t care what I eat.” this amazes me because I always care where and what I eat and cannot fathom a person not caring what they eat. I know to the exact teaspoonful how much cream I want in my coffee and what temperature it should be. I would never say, “Just give me coffee with some cream, please.” I would say, “Coffee with cream on the side so I can put it in myself.”
I love going to Starbucks because they have great customer service. They will customize your coffee order so it is precisely what you want, and if they make it wrong, they are usually happy to do it again. My order has morphed over the years and goes something like this: “A large coffee, and could you make a fresh pot? I would like it in this double-wall insulated cup that I bought in with me, and I need not water on the side and half-and-half in another cup. I would like the coffee extra hot.” while I am waiting for my order I hear many people say, “Coffee, please.” I can’t imagine making it that simple. A lot of people order in the drive-through, but that is something I would never do because I want to watch my order being made so I know I am getting exactly what I want. I cannot imgaine not caring!
I love the stability and adaptability of the less-aggressive members of our family, and I desperately need them. If all twenty of us were like my two sons and me, we might kill one another. The bottom line of what I am trying to say is that we all need one another and should appreciate the relationship God gives us.
I know people who can wear the same outfit twice a week every week for ten years and not care, but I won’t wear the same pajamas two nights in a row. I need a lot of variety, but our beloved phlegmatic people just don’t care. My phlegmatic daughter sleeps in an old undershirt, but I want to look cute when I go to bed. She doesn’t care what she looks like in bed, but I care what I look like everywhere!
If we can learn which battles to fight and which ones to leave alone, we might to win the ar. For example, although God has change me a lot, I will probably always be a little bossy. Dave knows that, so he doesn’t fight the battle of trying to change me. He knows my heart and lets me be who I am. In restaurants I sometimes suggest what he might want to eat. I am so good at making decisions that I thoroughtly enjoy making the for everyone. He listens to me, and if my suggestion suits him he orders it, and if it doesn’t he just gets what he wants. He could get upset and tell me to stop trying to tell him what to do and then I could get my feelings hurt, and we could waste an entire day being angry at each other, but we have learned that type of behavior is useless. We’ve gotten to the point where our differences amuses us rather than upset us.
Instead of resenting the fact that people are not like us and trying to change them, we should strive to get along and trust God to change what needs to be changed in each of us.
Even when you think someone has no pulse, I can assure you they do. It just beats a bit slower than other people’s. Loving people unconditionally is the greates gift we can give them and ourselves. I have learned that one of the secrets to my own personal peace is letting people be who God made them to be, rather than trying to make them be who I would like them to be. I do my best to enjoy their strengths and be merciful toward their weaknesses because I have plenty of my own. I don’t need to try to take the sepck out of their eye while I have a telephone pole in my own.
A woman I know was widowed not long ago, and she was telling me about her relationship with her husband. This woman is pretty strong-willed and likes things to go her way. She told me that when she was first married, she noticed a lot of things about her husband that annoyed her. Like any good wife, she told her husband about his annoying traits and habits so he could change.
Gradually it dawned on her that although she was very good about telling her husband all the things about him that needed to change, he never returned the favor! As she wondered why, she realized that somewhere along the line, her husband had made a decision not to look at - or for- her flaws. He knew she had plenty! But he wasn’t goign to focus on them. It occured to her that she could continue to point out all his annoying traits - or she could choose not to. Just as her husband had done.
At the end of our conversation, she told me that in the twelve years they were married, her husband never said an unkind word to her. I think we can all take a lesson from that.
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