How should you respond when you just asked her out over a text and she tells you that she is not available? Is this your cue to ask about another day? Using the Classic Rule to Gauge Interest: The truth is that if she is interested in seeing you, but is really busy on your suggested day, she will counter the text message with another time or idea for the date. If she simply says she can’t go for whatever reason, or makes up an excuse, without another suggestion to take its place, she doesn’t want to see you. This is true most of the time, but not always, and it can be even less clear in a text than in person or over the phone.
When it comes to text messages; women might not follow the classic formula listed above for telling whether or not she’s interested. When it comes to text messages, it’s too ambiguous and easy for both of you to wait around for the next initiation or move. Answering her with a request for the next weekend comes off as a bit needy and clingy, so instead, express your minor disappointment and tell her you will contact her some other time to try again.
If a week goes by and you don’t hear from her, try one more time. If she says no again and doesn’t suggest a different day, she’s definitely not into it. The key here is to ask twice, and if nothing comes of it, move on. Try using humor, which is usually a great way to relate to someone and gauge her interest in you. Don’t respond too fast, instead wait a bit. Sure, this could be seen as playing a game, but it's nicer to follow along with what we know to be true about the way our minds work with attraction.
Here’s the question. What will lead to lost interest? I would like to share some points and see if you did the same thing before:
Delayed Excitement increases Interest: Sure, it makes sense it be straightforward about your excitement and eager interest, but studies show that it’s better to wait for gratification, and that it leads to higher satisfaction. Studies show that allowing rats access to pleasure from pushing a button will be fun and exciting to them at first, then get boring quickly. Rats have brains that are remarkably similar to ours, so there is a lot to learn from this. However, when the button pushing resulted in pleasure only sometimes, the rats were overjoyed and excited, pushing it endlessly.
Uncertainty is More Exciting: Further research was conducted on females (human this time) which allowed them to see and rate pictures and profiles of men. The men who had rated them as appealing appeared more appealing to the women. In addition to this, the guys who were attracted to them but claimed to be uncertain about whether or not they were really interested only increased the women’s attraction in the guys. Uncertainty leads to attraction, interest, and excitement. Wonder, anticipation, and the waiting period all lead to increased dopamine levels in people, making you want to know what’s going to happen.
This also leads to her thinking more about you, and the more often you cross her mind, the more favorable she will feel toward you. On the other hand, when we see someone as entirely predictable, it’s too easy to get bored and lose interest in them. This all proves that building attraction is best done when you delay gratification (in this case, a text response) a little while. Answering right away comes across as obvious, desperate, and predictable, while waiting will make her curious about what is going to happen next, building up interest and anticipation. This will improve her association with you and make her want to see you again or get to know you more.
All of that being said, what is the appropriate amount of time to wait between text messages and sending responses? It isn’t so important that you wait a specific amount of time. People are all aware that the majority of humans these days are looking at their phones quite often throughout the day, so putting an entire day or two between your responses is not necessary and may even send the wrong, mixed signals to her. A good formula to use is waiting twice as long as the time between her messages to answer her texts. Remember, however, not to let this drag on repeatedly.
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