You can learn an awful lot from examing relationships around you. For example, if a couple seems happy, look at the way that they interact with each other. It’s unlikely that either one of them acts in a mean way. In fact, they probably harmonize very well with each other. Their work life-home life balance will be carefully worked out. They will spend time together, and chances are that they share a lot of things in common. Observing people helps you to work out what you are doing wrong.
Asking for help
When you know someone who has a happy and stable relationship, he or she is probably the best kind of person to talk to about any doubts that you have. If you want to ask for help, be considerate. Remember that other people have busy lives, and if you need indepth conversation, make sure that you choose a time that suits them when they can give you the time you need. A good approch may be to telephone and ask if they can spare you a little time to help you with something. Good friends are always willing to help you, but don’t abuse that privilege. This isn’t a time when you can spend valuable moments criticizing your partner. This isn’t what it’s about. It’s about you.
Try to tell them about your insecurity. Try to explain the predicament that you find youself in, and explain how you are finding it hard to get away from feeling jealousy but that you want to. The fact that you have owned up to having a problem will alert them to the fact that you are serious and want their advice. If you approach it in another manner, what may happen is that your friend may misunderstand your need. Let’s show you what the conversation should not be like:
“I think chuck is being unfaithful.”— This isn’t what it’s about. It makes your friend alienated toward Chuck, and he or she may even fire up your jealousy even more by adding to it. That’s not going to help anyone at all.
“I have a problem and I really need your help.”— This is a better approach because you have taken ownership of the problem. When you go on to discuss your jealousy instead of using the first phrase in this section, which blames Chuck, you open a more effective dialog that blames no one.
“You are a good friend of mine. You know what I am like. I can’t control feelings of jealousy.”
That’s an honest approach, and your friend may be able to talk you around into having more confidence in yourself or may suggest that you perhaps need to talk to professional to try and get over the jealousy issue. She may even have something to contibute that makes you feel better about the situations and help you to overcome the feelings of jealousy without letting them destroy your relationship. Good friends tend to help pull you out of your funky moods, and he or she may be willing to talk you through your problems or search into why you feel insecure.
Learn from people who don’t display jealousy. If you are a teen, for example, and you confide in someone you know to be jealous of others, he or she fuels your jealousy even further and makes it the focal point of your life. Don’t discuss it with negative people because they are likely to make your situation worse. Observe people who are happy with their lives because these are the people who have all of their priorities worked out and are much more likely to help you to sort out your problems.
Healthy relationships, in general, depend upon give and take, and sometimes, you can engineer situations that improve your self-worth. Bake a cake for a neighbor just for the sake of it, and make a very old lady happy. Do things for others that give you a better sense of who you are. People who love you do so because they see this positive side of your nature that endears you to them. When that’s over-shadowed by jealousy, it takes away the joy of the relationship and makes it very negative. Try to do things that give you back your self-worth. Make a conscious effort to be a positive person and to follow the example of positive people you know who are in successful relationships.
If you feel jealous, it’s not another person’s fault. The fault lies with you. You can’t change what other people do or what they have. You can have a positive impact on people if you drop jealousy and decide you are worth more than that.
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