Have you ever imagined what jealousy feels like on the receiving end? Chances are that it hasn't crossed your mind. You are jealous, and you are too preoccupied with the injustices that are being done to you to actually look at things from another person's viewpoint. Imagine yourself in his or her shoes, and reverse your jealous feelings and aim them toward yourself, because you may be shocked at the way that these feelings make you feel.
Are you jealous of your partner? You think he is unfaithful? Okay, let’s put the shoe on the other foot and imagine how you would feel if he thought and said the same about you. You would probably be outraged. You would probably be angry, especially if you had never even thought of being unfaithful, and yet here is the person that you trust the most in life and who you have chosen for a partner, accusing you of infidelity. Although you may not be able to do this at first, it’s worth following the pattern shown below to get you over being jealous, because a jealous person is not a very attractive partner.
●Think a jealous thought.
●Reverse it to aim it at yourself.
●Know how it makes you feel.
●Approach the subject in another way.
Accusing someone of being unfaithful alienates him or her, especially if it isn't true. If it is true, what do you gain by being jealous? This makes your partner more likely to stray because he or she wants to get away from that stifling feeling of being in an environment that is hostile. Believe me, jealousy causes hostility. If your partner is working long hours, appreciate him or her when he or she comes home from work. Make the situation at home so agreeable that your partner will want to be at home. Even if it is found that your partner has strayed, jealousy serves no purpose. Your partner will already feel guilt, and you will already feel betrayed. What point is there to prolonging the bad feeling by letting jealousy take a part in an already negative situation?
Let’s try an experiment. For this experiment, I want you to imagine that you have been accused of infidelity. Imagine the experiences within your mind, and know how you would feel if someone that you loved was to voice those opinions. It’s not pleasant, is it? If the feelings of your partner were unjustified, you would feel righteous indignation and be inclined to argue the point with him or her. It would make the situation something that's difficult to deal with because basically, what he or she is saying is, in a nutshell:
“I don’t trust you.”
If it is justified, and you have done what you are being accused of doing, then you would still feel lousy because of the betrayal, so you gain nothing from your partner's jealousy. All you learn is that you can't treat people like that without facing the obvious consequences. Either way, you are a victim to your partner's jealousy, and it doesn’t feel very nice, does it?
Before you use jealousy as a tool, first ask yourself how you would respond to what you are about to inflict on someone else. Jealousy shows absolutely no mercy. It eats away at who you are, and instead of helping you, it makes you feel smaller. Once, I believed my ex-husband was unfaithful. Jealousy ate away at me. I imagined him in the arms of someone else. I imagined an end to our relationship. All day long while working, I was letting personal thoughts get in the way of progress. Jealousy takes all of your concentration and stops it in its tracks. It's also very destructive. While you have jealousy on your mind, you conjure up all kinds of scenarios that may or may not be real. Then come the accusations, and when I learned that what I suspected was true,
I crumbled. Why? Because although my jealous thoughts were based on speculation alone, I had let them erode my ability to take in that news. I wanted reassurance. I wanted something to happen to make all those jealous thoughts go away. Instead of that, he validated them. It sent me into a state of mind that was near suicidal. I will never take that stance again because when you do, you are preparing yourself for the biggest collapse in your life.
Had jealousy been taken out of the picture, perhaps that relationship could have been salvaged. The anger that followed from both sides and the arguments that became a regular part of the breakup of the marriage could easily have been avoided, and I could have retained my dignity.
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