Human beings are created for connection. God wants us to be able to connect with and feel close people, which is one of the great joys of life. Sadly, it can also be a source of pain, making it easy to become aloof and detached. We think we are protecting ourselves, but the pain of loneliness and isolation is much worse than tha pain of relationship.
You don’t let anyone into your life and then they cannot hurt you. It seemed to work for a while, but then I realized I was lonely and missing a lot in life that could be enjoyed only with other people. In a period of my past life, I never really detached with others though I was with people in my home, at work, at church, but remained aloof and detached. I participated only if I could be in control of the situation, because then I felt safe. I am sure that many of you know exactly how it looks like.
The ability to connect with others cannot happen if one of the parties is trying to control the other. We are not created by God to be controlled; therefore, we will always resent it. Eventually people get rid of being controlled, and begin to prefer relationships where they have the freedom to be who they are and make some of the decisions that need to be made. If you have a tendency to want to control people and situations so you don’t get hurt, I strongly encourage you to give it up and learn how to do relationships God’s way.
As I grew in my relationship with God, He taught me that I needed to trust people and be vulnerable even though I would get hurt from time to time. He promised me that when I was hurt He would heal me and enable me to go on and try again. I have been deeply hurt from time to time by people I was in relationship with, but I refused to let it make me bitter and suspicious. Love makes allowances for the weakness and flaws of others. People certainly are not perfect, but in the end, they are worth the effort. Few things on earth compare to the joy and benefits of a close, connected relationship with another human being.
You can feel close to people if you will choose to open your heart to them and if you are willing to go through the difficulties we all encounter when developing good relationships. I believe that when we have a problem in a relationship but we resolve to work through it, in the end the bond is made closer than it was before. Too many people give up at the first hint of difficulty. They have resolved to never get hurt again, and that decision prevents them from the joy of close friendships and intimacy with their spouses and other family members.
I want to stress again that we cannot have closeness if we are not willing to go through some pain. People simply are not perfect, and we do make mistakes. It is the willingness to forgive and go on that makes the relationships strong.
The feeling of being connected and close to others definitely is a kind of good emotions. I knew a man who never in his life allowed himself to be close to anyone; he died lonely, and nobody misses him. That is a sad ending to a life. He missed it all and doesn’t get a do-over. We should try to make the one opportunity to enjoy the joy of being close to others, especially those who love us.
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