Does Your Relationship Grow With Each Fight?
Does your partner fight to smoother things out for the two and help you both grow as a couple? Some people have a remarkable ability to rise after a fight, while growing emotionally and spiritually. They are less likely to fight for the same reason again because they’ve gained a deeper insight post the fight.
Does your partner use this as a positive opportunity to grow the relationship? Do they gain a better understanding and awareness of your personality, needs and preferences after every fight to never repeat the same issues? Do they develop a greater sensitivity for who you are and what is important for you after each fight?
Fights come with their “aha” moments. Is your partner sufficiently clued in to those “aha” moments that give them a chance to forge a stronger bond with you? Do you gain something after each fight with your partner that helps you develop a better understanding than you did prior to the fight? These questions will help you understand if you both help each other and the relationship grow with your couple fights.
Does Your Partner Give You A Chance to Explain Your Stance?
Does your partner give you the opportunity to speak and present your stance in an argument or is it a one-sided line of firing? Is it impossible for them to look at things from your perspective in a difference of opinion? Do they fight to give you a fair and just hearing?
Can you see yourself fighting with the other person if they do not give you an opportunity to speak and explain your perspective? Can you see yourself fighting with someone who simply judges you without giving you a fair hearing? Arguments should ideally be a two-way discussion between two people and not a one-sided slug fest. Are you able to deal with someone who doesn't give you a chance to talk during fights?
Does Your Partner Apologize and Forgive Easily?
Does your partner apologize and forgive easily if they are at fault. Do they find it easy to acknowledge and admit their fault? Does it take a lot for them to stand up and say they screwed up? Some people keep pushing the blame of their own actions on others rather than owning up their faults? For instance, rather than accepting their faulty lifestyle habits (think binge eating, smoking, heavy drinking), they may end up blaming the other person for being too nagging and trying to control their life. There is a carefully constructed shift in blame that rids them off the guilt.
Does your partner display similar tendencies? Will you able to put up with someone who doesn't easily admit to their faults? Do they shift blame elsewhere to get rid of the burden of their guilt?
Also, does your partner display graciousness when it comes to forgiving? When you are genuinely sorry, are they quick to forgive and forget or do they hold grudges for long? People often pretend they’ve forgiven, only to end up raking past issues and in worse cases, getting even. Has the person you are contemplating a serious relationship with forgiven you easily when you have apologized for your action? Have they brought up the topic over and over or laid it to rest once you apologized?
Do They Choose Their Fights Wisely?
While some people are known to pick their battles carefully, others take to squabbling at the drop of a hat. They really do not care if what they are losing their peace for is worth battling over in the first place. Choosing battles wisely is critical in a relationship; otherwise every fight turns into a game where winning or losing is the only thing that matters.
Are they non-confrontational in their approach or do they use any excuse to pick a fight with you? People who are non-confrontational by nature do not see every difference as an opportunity to settle scores or launch into a long-drawn fight. Their focus is not as much on fighting or winning the argument as it is on resolving the issue. The emphasis is on settling differences to enjoy a more harmonious relationship rather than ego-boosting wins.
While some folks find it easy to leave their ego at the door, others are only fighting for victory (yes, even in personal relationships). Their constant need to be right often precedes their relationship and partner's emotions. The happiness of being in a fulfilling and healthy relationship is often preceded by their thirst for vindication.
Comment