This is one of the killers of a good marriage. Sometimes, one spouse’s libido seems to be headed for the rocks and the other may feel like they are not attractive anymore, or a cloud of thoughts that they are being cheated on. It starts with going without sex for a week, then a month, a couple of months and before you know it, you cannot remember the last time you shared an intimate moment with your spouse. Dry spells do happen and up to some point, it's normal. The problem comes when one partner continuously makes advances and the other does not even attempt to show their attraction to their spouse. It leaves one partner feeling unappreciated and may even affect their self-esteem. It may even cause them to make drastic moves to prove they are still attractive. This is not the end of the marriage, you can still bounce back to the days you used to rock the bed like energized bunnies. Reasons should be seeked out first before you deal with a sexless marriage. Hereby, some relevant cases causing lacking of sex in marriage are presented and you may refer to seek for resolutions accordingly.
It could be the connection
The first obvious cause of a sexless marriage is the disintegration of a once vibrant connection. Connection in a marriage is actually the foundation of the marriage. Do you remember the last time you shared a heartfelt conversation with your spouse? If the answer is no, it is probably one of the reasons there has been a downward spiral in the sexual desire. There is no way that everything can be okay if at all that basic intimacy lacks in a marriage; at least it should be there to some degree. Rebuilding this connection may take time but it will save you a lot of headache trying to figure out what the problem could be. The connection can be rebuilt by enjoying activities together that you once used to enjoy.
There is a simple way to do this. Each partner can write down a list of the moments they consider the most memorable in the history of their dating and marriage life with their spouse. Make sure that you write a very long list that will exhaustively describe your treasured moments. If it doesn't happen instantly, you can give yourselves a few days to figure it out. Then, you can write each moment in a separate paper and fold the paper and put it in a jar. Afterwards, both of you can mix up the moments in the jar and pick one every month at random Whatever moment you pick, you can relhre it detail by detail. This way you have some alone time to spend bonding with your partner and it will reveal to you the moments that your marriage is based on. An intimate connection will translate to a better sex life; you won't even realize it. Aim to spend more time with your partner without the pressure of sex; just pure quality time to rebuild that ever so important connection.
It could be medical
Medical conditions can also affect bedroom matters in the marriage; the first culprit being partners being overweight. Obesity has to some degree affected the libido of married couples. Experts in the medical world say that most people who come to see them looking for solution to control weight, also complain of low sex drive, poor performance and desire or all of them together. A married couple can always find time to work out together, be it on the treadmill or a jog around the block and so on.
High levels of cholesterol and complications with insulin impede sexual performance. In these conditions they are mostly characterized by accumulation of cholesterol in the blood vessels. Therefore, if it is a man, the penis will be affected. The penis has numerous blood vessels that fill up with blood to cause an erection. Imagine if these vessels are clogged with cholesterol. This would result in a limp erection or erectile dysfunction all together. If erectile dysfunction occurs severally, a man will lose his confidence and eventually lose interest in sex. A medical checkup is therefore highly advised.
Researchers have now found this to occur in women. The clitoris is composed of a network of blood vessels. Overweight women would therefore experience less sensation at the clitoral region. Desire can soon drop if this is the case and eventually a lack of interest in sex. Since you want
to save your sex life, it is important to engage in a weight loss program that should include exercise, a better diet and support couples that you can work with to lose weight.
Or it could be psychological
The other problem that could lead to a sexless marriage is psychological unsettiedness. This in a way has to do with the connection between two partners. Sometimes, men suffer certain psychological problems like anxiety. Once it happens, it quickly escalates to a situation where the man feels inadequate every time it seems they are about to have sex. Cominunication is the only way out for this one. It helps if spouses can understand each other at such times.
In mild cases, it requires a little oral sex to give him his confidence back. In severe cases, it it better to consult a psychologist to break that wall of anxiety. Same case applies to sometimes when a woman doesn’t feel sexy enough or doesn't feel loved, there will be a challenge penetrating or coming to a climax. It is also very important to talk things out together so that you can both get past the barrier of fear.
It could be a spiritual disconnection
Sexless marriages result when selfishness creeps in. The purpose of sex in any marriage is to create a pure bond based on seeing the betterment of the marriage, not the individual. Sex should bring two people as halves of each other to make them on. Their minds can be aware of their separateness but there should be oneness. This is better sex than one where each partner is focused on their own gratification. Don’t get laid in a marriage; make sweet love.
You should both bring your minds in sync to ensure your partner feels you as being together in somewhat a spiritual way; not just physical. Invigorate your mind, soul and spirit to enjoy better sex. Let your body speak to the soul of your spouse. It may seem rather farfetched but sit down and think about it. If you were given a task to do by your boss and you did it just so that you get the result or you chose to do it with your heart' which results in a better outcome? Even when you have done it with your heart and it is rejected, your boss will always see your heart in your work. Some people keep their jobs for the simple fact that the boss sees the heart in whatever they do. This also applies to sex in marriage. Couples should aim to have quality sex rather than meaningless sex.
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