Betrayal hurts and it hurts very much. When you trust a person not to hurt you because you know that you wouldn't do anything to hurt them either and you could always vouch for them, only to discover at some point that they had betrayed that trust, it hurts. Many people today are in relationships where trust has been broken either due to a partner having an affair or lying about something or maybe not delivering on a promise. All of these situations can slowly damage the level of trust in any relationship.
However, trust is a very important factor in any relationship. A marriage cannot thrive when there is a lack of trust. Trust breeds love and commitment in your marriage and when the trust is broken, it becomes extremely difficult for a couple to share real love.
The good thing is that trust can be rebuilt. It’s not just going to happen overnight and it would take a lot of determination and willingness on the part of both partners but slowly and gradually, broken trust can be rebuilt.
Rebuilding of trust in a marriage is a two way street. The offending party can take steps to rebuild the trust and so can the offended.
If you are the offending party, here are some steps you can take to rebuild the trust in your relationship:
l. Come Clean: Don't continue to deny or lie about what you have done. It is important to come out completely clean and be honest with your partner about what you have done. Yes, the truth always hurts and may even compound the pain but it’s a healing process; at the end of the day, it would help to rebuild the trust and is way better than continuing to lie about it and leaving your partner to find out more details on his or her own.
2. Drop the defense： Being defensive also compounds the problem. To help your partner trust you again, you must show a genuine attempt to work out the issues. You must accept that you are wrong (regardless of whether your partner contributed to making you do it or not) and show genuine repentance.
3. Discuss Your Reasons for Doing It:
Opening up about your struggles and what motivated your actions can help to prevent further occurrence. If there is anything your partner did or didn't do that inspired your actions, this is the time to talk about it.
4. Be an Open Book: Yes, you are en-titled to your privacy but if you are really serious about rebuilding the trust in your relationship, you have to become an open book at this point. You have to let your partner in on all aspects of your life; unlock your cell phones, share your email password, and make sure you are always true to your words. This would help your partner to start trusting you again.
When you are the offended and your partner has betrayed your trust, it is difficult to start trusting them again but you can't enjoy your relationship when you don't trust your partner so you must make efforts to start trusting your partner again.
Before you can start rebuilding trust, it is important to determine whether it is safe to trust your partner again. You don’t want to be hurt a second time so it's important to first know if it’s safe to start trusting your partner again before you make any effort to do so. Below are things you can use to determine whether it is safe to trust again:
• Open Communication: Has your partner become more open and willing to communicate more about their feelings and actions?
.Transparency: Has your partner become more transparent? Do they now give you free access to their phone, emails, and any other private accounts? When an offending partner becomes more open and transparent, it shows a genuine willingness to change and shows that they are willing to repair the damage in their relationship.
• Improvement: Look out for signs of improvement. Is your partner showing any signs that they have changed or they are changing?
Look out for these three signs and when you are sure that your partner has truly and genuinely repented, you can now start doing the following to repair your damaged relationship:
1. Forget about the past, stay in the present: Don't keep bringing up the past; it's not going to help. You must fight the temptation to continue bringing up your partners past mistakes whenever any issue arises. Forgive your partner and make efforts to drop the baggage and let the past go. Remember that your partner is only human and humans are bound to make mistakes. The only thing that matters now is that they are willing to genuinely repent and work on the relationship.
2. Set Standards： To prevent the same thing from happening again in the future, you should set rules and standards and discuss them with your partner. Let them know what you can and cannot do, what you would tolerate and wouldn't. Let your partner know that there would be consequences for certain actions in the future. This would help your partner avoid doing the same thing in the future.
Rebuilding the broken trust in a relationship is something that takes time so don't rush it; give it time.
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