What you will end up with at the end of the day is a much more rewarding sex life and a much more physical relationship. For example, can you answer these questions about your partner?
• Where is the most sensitive part of your partner’s body? What are his or her pleasure points?
• Does your partner climax?
• Does your partner have a favourite sexual position? If yes, what is it?
• Do you wish things but not discuss them?
If you feel that you cannot answer one or two of these questions, then clearly, you need to know your partner more sexually. Don't be afraid to ask awkward and uncomfortable questions because that's the only way to know what your partner is really thinking.
You can ask the following 48 questions to your spouse to increase your sexual intimacy:
1. What’s your deepest, intimate secret?
2. Do you want to use kinky props such as handcuffs and blindfolds?
3. Do you love role playing?
4. How important is sex to you?
5. What’s your biggest fantasy that involves me?
6. When it comes to kinky sex, what’s okay with you and what's not okay?
7. What’s your wildest fantasy that involves a movie star or a famous person?
8. What are your erotic thoughts about me?
9. What turns you on?
10. Which one of my sex moves is your favourite?
11. Which part of your body do you touch the most?
12. Do you like to watch porn? What kind of porn do you like to watch?
13. Do you like to have sex in a public place?
14. What kind of sexual pleasure do you want to experience?
15. What kind of lingerie do you like?
16. What’s your favourite sex position?
17. Do you like giving oral or would you rather receive it?
18. Have you thought of making a sex tape?
19. How often do you want us to make love? 20Do you have deep fears about sex?
21. Do you like torrid or soft kissing? 22Howdoyou feel about wild sexual responses like nail scratches?
23. What do you like me to wear to bed?
24. What do you want to do with my body?
25. Do you like being on top?
26. What kind of scent turns you on?
27. What sensations do you feel when I orgasm? 28Do you want to have sex in the morning or at night?
29. Did you ever fantasize about me even before we started dating?
30. What's your sexiest dream about me?
31. Do you like to talk dirty when having sex?
32. How do you feel about using food props like chocolate and whip cream?
33. Are you currently struggling with sexual temptation?
34. How do you feel about our relationship after we have sex?
35. What do you usually think after sex?
36. How can I make you feel sexy? What makes you feel sexy?
37. Would you ever (fill this blank)?
38. Do you like phone sex?
39. Do you want me to send you naughty text messages at work?
40. What part of your body do you want me to touch often?
41. Do you like having sex in the shower?
42. What do you think is missing in our sex life? 43Do you think I’m uptight when it comes to sex?
44. Do you think that we have a happy sex life?
45. How do you think we should practice safe sex and birth control?
46. If not, how do you think we can build a happy and mutually satisfying sex life?
47. What are the sexual activities that you are uncomfortable with? 48What are your sexual limitations?
Of course, you do not have to ask these questions in one sitting. You can randomly ask your partner some of these questions over time. Also, it is important to create a safe environment for your partner when you are having this conversation. You have to let your partner know that he/she can tell you anything.
Do not be judgmental. For example, if your partner tells you that his/her biggest fantasy is to have a threesome with your best friend, do not freak out. Instead ask your partner why he'd want it and if that's not what you want, politely tell him/her that you're not comfortable with it. You can say something like, "That's not my thing, but I am interested as to why you’d want that” and then offer some alternative like maybe a role play or any other hot, sexual activity that does not involve your best friend. You and your partner do not have to agree all the time about sex. But, it helps to know what he’s/she’s thinking. It will improve your sexual intimacy. It will also make your partner feel safer.
Also try to share some of your thoughts about sex, too. You have to share things like:
What turns you on?
• Your greatest fantasies
• Your dream role play experience
• Your favourite sex position
• Your favourite sexual activities
• Your sexual limitations
By opening up a dialog with your partner, you can both have your physical intimacy needs fulfilled. It's as simple as that. Buy a sex book and read it together and discover what’s happening in your marriage and why. You can also do adventurous things together like watch sexy movie or porn together. This will instantly make you feel more intimate. You may be amazed that it's actually your fault that the sex life you want isn't happening. If it is, then do something about it, but approach it slowly, letting your partner know that you are willing to try new things, but that you don’t know what those new things are and that you want to discovery them together.
The problem that people have is that they believe that their partners will judge them upon things that are said in the bedroom when in fact, this should be made an area where you can discuss anything without judgment. Talk to your loved one and law down rules so that they know where they stand as well. Helen used to be afraid of talking about sex because her husband saw her as beyond all that kind of talk. Actually, he didn't feel like that and wanted to talk to her about it, but that’s what she believed. You need to assess your relationship on what is, rather than what is perceived, and the only way to do that is to ask open and honest questions. But ... be prepared to give honest and open answers. You may find that you like the answers once you get beyond the barriers that stopped you communicating in the first place.
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