Many women just don't like our bodies, and because of that we're often disconnected from them. And if we're disconnected from our bodies, we aren’t going to feel a whole lot of pleasure. That disconnect could be because we feel embarrassed about our bodies, or embarrassed about sex in general. It could be because you as a couple have never really figured out how to make sex feel good. And it could be because she's starting to doubt if she actually CAN feel good.
Today we're going to focus on reassuring her that her body can indeed feel pleasure, and showing him that he can actually provide that. While in movies people may grope each other and then fall into bed in rapturous pleasure automatically, most Women don't work that way. They take far more time. But on the big screen arousal is instantaneous, and we women start to worry that there's something wrong us if two minutes of ripping off clothes isn't enough to arouse us. Men may start to wonder if their wives actually do enjoy sex at all.
For those of you who have seen The Notebook, you’ll know that Allie, who's a virgin, has the best sex ever her first time out the gate. She makes mad passionate love with Noah, and everything goes so amazingly wonderfully. She orgasms. She feels great.
Women watch that sort of thing, and we think: That's what sex is like for everyone but me. I'm a freak. I have to work so hard to feel aroused, and I'm not even sure that I can get aroused. It will never work for me. And men watch that and may think: what’s wrong with my wife? Why doesn't she respond like that?
Hold it right there.
Remember when we talked about some of the lies we believe? And one of the most common lies for women is, ‘will never feel pleasure.’ It’s not true.
Women were made with body parts specifically designed to feel pleasure-and we're going to talk about the clitoris more throughout the month. But just because women have that little body part does not mean that it gets stimulated enough in a few minutes to make sex wonderful. Movies are not accurate representation of reality.
Instead, here’s what happens with so many couples:
He fumbles a bit trying to make her feel good, but he may not know the right way to touch her, because men and women like to be touched differently. Men like a firm touch; women like it much more lightly. If a man touches a woman the way he wants to be touched, it's not going to be pleasurable.
So he does that, and she's too embarrassed to speak up. She thinks, “I guess I just don't like my breasts touched, or “I guess I’m just not sensitive”.
She gets increasingly anxious about why she's not feeling pleasure, and so she tries to force herself.
That makes it even worse, because when we're anxious, we can’t relax, and when we can’t relax, we won’ feel very good.
Are you on that vicious circle? Maybe you’re not, and you’re here for tips on how to make sex even more wonderful. It’s okay right now, but you'd like to ramp it up. That's wonderful, and I think you’ll get a lot out of this month!
But some couples are having some serious problems in the bedroom, and going through these 31 days is a difficult process for you. I received this email when I was working through this series on my blog：
Sex has long been a really really hard part of my marriage since we got married. No matter what we've tried-it's not getting better. It's worse. Yesterdays blog post about lies was painful. It felt like you'd listened in on my internal monologue and aired it to everyone. I was really upset - and thankful.
I might have to make cue cards to remind me of the truths you shared.
I asked hubby to do this Iseries with me. He jumped at the chance - because he knows how much of a struggle this is with me. And tonight we started.
Wow - we haven't talked like that in so long. It was amazing. Although we have a long way to go, thank you for making it possible for us to open the lines of communication.
Tonight, I want to cry because I feel like maybe, just maybe, there's hope I'll become the woman that God intends me to be, the woman that my DH prayed for, the woman I should be.
BTW, I couldn’t think of 5. DH suggested some of his top parts, but I had a hard time accepting them. I realldy did. I could only come up with one. And that was a hard one to think of. It’s much easier to like the inside me. The outside me-I don’t know how. But thank you for making me think of it- to start looking at myself.
I’m so glad that she feels like they're finally able to communicate, and that there may be light at the end of the tunnel. Today I want to give you a challenge that will hopefully give both of you even more confidence and encouragement.
Comment