Sex may be a beautiful thing, but that doesn't mean that we ail feel wonderfully about it. What do you do if you don't have a positive attitude about sex? What do you do if you're bringing baggage into your marriage which is making it difficult to get excited about sex? Or what do you do if sex has just never felt that great, and you've almost given up? Or if it seems impersonal and solely physical?
No matter where you're at today, your sex life can start fresh. But sometimes that fresh start is endangered because we keep believing things that aren't true. And, as we're going to learn throughout this month, our primary sex organ is our brain. What we think about sex completely determines whether or not we enjoy sex, or whether we're able to experience deep intimacy when we make love. So here's your challenge for today we're going to confront any lies that you believe about sex, and replace them with truth.
Some of these truths Vm listing are from a Christian perspective. If that's not where you're coming from, you can skip over them. But I'd encourage you to read them, because v/e all need some assurance that v^e don't have to live with guilt and shame.
1. You are a new creation
Are you haunted by things you did before you were married?
Do you have flashbacks from old boyfriends or girlfriends?
Or even ex-spouses? Are you bothered by past pom use?
All of these things can intrude on our ability to think of sex as something sacred between you and your spouse.
So when you start to have doubts, and when thoughts of your old lovers start coming back, think about this verse instead：
is in Christ, she is a new oration. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come! (2 Corinthians 5 ： 17)
2.You are Pure
When God looks at you, He sees you as pure. Sometimes we have a hard time feeling like we're new creations because we know what we’ve done in the past. But other times we have difficulties because of what was done to us. We were abused, or raped, or fondled, or teased. And we feel like we’re tainted, used, and dirty.
That is not the way God sees you. God does not judge you in terms of what others did to you; He only sees you in terms of what Jesus did for you. You are completely and utterly pure, once you believe in Him.
So the next time you start to feel dirty because of what was done to you; the next time you think that everyone else is healthy, but you never will be; the next time you feel like there is no hope for you; remember this verse：
He will rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3： 17)
Think of how you hold a baby and sing to it, so amazed at how new and precious it is. That is how God thinks of you. So when you start having negative thoughts about your identity, replace it with that positive.
3.Was Created for Pleasure
You were made to feel sexual pleasure. Men usually have an easier time believing this because they tend to be guaranteed pleasure when they make love. In fact, that's what usually ends a sexual encounter—when he reaches orgasm. But women were also created for pleasure, and I can prove it.
If you're a woman, you have a clitoris, a little knob of flesh just in front of your vagina, which has no other purpose in the body except to bring pleasure Guys don^ have that. Their primary sexual organs are multi-functional . That’s not true for us. In fact, God put more nerve ends in the clitoris than he did in the entire penis! So God gave us a little piece of our bodies that was made simply to feel good—very good.
If you're a woman and sex isn't feeling great for you yet, and if you have started to believe, “1 will never have an orgasm", or “I can't see what all the fuss is about”, or “Everyone else may like sex( but I never will”, stop it. Don't say those things to yourself. Instead, say this,
l was created to feel pleasure. True. And wouldn’t you rather say something true to yourself than to say a lie?
Some women reading this may not have experienced a lot of pleasure before. That's okay. In the surveys that I took for my book, I found that the best years for sexual pleasure for married women are between years 16-20. If you’ve only been married for a while, then, know this： women get more orgasmic with time and practice. So instead of doubting, or worrying, or giving up, get excited!
And a word to the husbands： perhaps you've started to doubt that your wife can ever feel pleasure. You need to believe this truth as well： she was created to feel pleasure. And her body is capable of it. You just need to learn how to both get in the right frame of mind, how to nurture your relationship, and then how to move together physically. That may sound like a tall order, but it’s a fun one And it is not just possible; with the right frame of mind, its probable!
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