Build up a fun and useful repertoire of nonverbal language. Experts speculate that anywhere from 65 to 95 perent of communication is nonverbal, so it is no wonder that great lovers master this aspect of connecting. Try not to mindread or assume; check out or establish some of the nonverbal signals verbally. Perhaps gentle pressure with a hand signals the desire to shift into another position. Groans, sighs, and exclamations may signal degrees of arousal and when to proceed to another phase of lovemaking. Nonverbal comrnunication helps orchestrate a sex life that will grow even more comfortable and meaningful.
Develop a nonverbal signal that indicates your desire for sexual activity. Without allowing it to completely lose its subtlety, make sure the nonverbal vocabulary is accurate arid obvious enough. It may be a passionate hug or kiss. Sometimes an amorous look or a soft kiss on the back of the neck is all it takes. A husband related that his wife usually initiated her desire for sex with a certain nightgown. He thought the nonverbal signal was okay but wished, after eight years, she would buy another gown.
Nonverbal communication evolves with most lovers. Don't just use it as a signal to orchestrate— get excited and involved as you express and increase your arousal. It is difficult for most people to relax control and truly get excited, not only in sex but even on a roller coaster or at a ball game. Give yourself permission to be uninhibited and make noises during sex. Groan, breathe loudly, exclaim in excitement, purr with pleasure, squeal with delight, and allow your nonverbal communication to be truly expressive.
A wife complained that her husband never made noises during lovemaking, which made it difficult to read his level of excitement. I suggested that making noises could be his homework for the coming two weeks. I asked in his next session if he had been able to groan. He said he had. I then asked if his wife had picked up on his groaning, and he said that he had pointed it out. I laughed and thought to myself, How erotic! “Honey, that was a groan, and I think I am getting somewhat excited and wanted you to know.”
Remember not to get lazy or assume or completely rely on your nonverbal communication. Some messages need to be verball communicated and feedback exchanged. Lackof communication can become amusing. A wife finally disclosed to her husband, wish you wouldn't stick your tongue in my ear during lovemaking.” The husband quickly retorted, thought that turned you on. Why didn't you say something two years ago?” She replied, “I liked it two years ago. People change, and a continuing verbal dialogue is irreplaceable for true sexiness to flourish in intimate companionships and love lives.
Time Out:
1. what are some of the nonverbal signals you currently enjoy in making love? Think of one area you would like to signal your partner better nonverbally, and add it to your bag of techniques.
2. Make love this week, but agree ahead of time that you will make more noise than is usual for the two of you—ex-aggerate and enjoy it.
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