Sex is a difficult, private topic. Couples can often make love more easily than they can talk about it. Assertively asking for what they need does not come easily for many people, especially in the sexual arena. Sexual problems and sexual ignorance, with unresolved anger and hurt, can also impede sexual communication. Sexual vocabulary and slang need to be involved in this area.
Before getting into sexual vocabulary in general, let me comment about male and female slang. If the male genital slang is not funny, it is aggressive and harsh. The female slang, if not demeaning, is silly and suggestive. This is a sad and destructive distortion of God's gift of sexuality. Chris-tians need to reclaim sex from the world and bring back to making love the beauty and joy that God intended. Slang is certainly an area where we can practice not buying in to sin-ful, destructive values.
In developing a sexual vocabulary, you may be wondering if slang is ever appropriate. Of course, slang is permissible and fun and erotic. Your pet names for body parts and secret vocabulary shared by only the two of you contain a lot of slang. And as a couple you will find other words expressive and arousing. As Christians, however, we must be careful to avoid the very negative attitudes and ideas about sex that society over the centuries has incorporated into slang. We never want to be funny at someone’s expense, aggressive, demeaning, a silly kind of seductive, or suggestive.
The renowned semanticist S. I. Hayakawa said that all language and words are symbols and we give them their meanings and impact. That is especially true of slang. Remember two points as you keep your language within God's guidelines：
1. You have the necessity of building an erotic vocabulary so you can enjoy the gift of making love with the comfort and flair Cod desires.
2.The vocabulary must enhance the loving, exciting process of mating love. Each partner should be able to associate the same symbolic meaning with the vocabulary as it becomes playful and arousing. If any language is demeaning, offensive, harmfully aggressive, or cheap to either mate, it should be avoided.
You should know the correct biological terms for parts of the human body. That is a good starting point. One woman grew up in a home where sex was never discussed. She and ber husband had some very frustrating times in the early part of their marriage. She did not havean adequate vocabulary, and neither did he. He had picked up some slang from the locker room and peers, but that didn't help. She was not orgasmic when they married and was given to yeast infections, but they couldn't comfortably discuss these problems.
The wife bought a book on becoming orgasmic and began becoming more comfortable with her body and sex in general. She learned exactly where her clitoris was and how it functioned. They both laughed as they practiced vocabulary together because they had never said many of the words aloud before.
Learn to converse openly about making love without shame or embarrassment, and talk during sex. Expand your vocabulary, and adapt slang that both of you enjoy. Sex is your playground and great communication translates into having more fun.
TIME OUT:
1. Turn to Chapter 3 and read to each other some of the information on sexual parts as you repeat the correct biological terms to each other.
2. Have fun the next time you are making love by creating some pet names for activities and body parts. (I often laugh in counseling sessions when clients talk about ,”Big John" or “Shamu” and wanting to “dive into your pool, but you fell asleep.”) Tell your mate of two slang words you find exciting and two that you feel would decrease your sexual enjoyment and arousal.
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