The first step in changing your ways, regardless of whether it is rearranging the furniture, like talking to your boss about that promotion, talking dirty to your partner is always the hardest. In order to make a change, a person must have several things, the desire to affect change, the drive to make it happen, and the follow through to do so, regardless of the change that is being made.
If you are not comfortable simply diving right in and trying a phrase or two, that is okay. It is natural to be a little shy when although our society uses sex as a selling tool, is implied, rather than overtly stated. In some topics, it is far easier to imply than to have to state something, and this is one of those topics. Diving right in is not for everyone, but there are definitely ways to ease in slowly, going a little deeper, and pushing a little further each time.
One way to lead into talking dirty in the bedroom is to start out by bringing up the subject outside of the bedroom. While there are some places that will not be the appropriate setting for this conversation, there are many others that can present themselves. If you don’t just want to come out and ask them what their feelings on the subject are, bring it up as though you heard about something your buddy did with their partner, or say that you were reading an article on the topic, or even read a novel that mentioned it, and ask what they think of that. In this manner, the attention is redirected from the fact that you are asking about how they feel about dirty talk, but to the idea of dirty talk in a particular context, and that depersonalization can give a person the jump they need to get started.
Another method is to try one or two phrases out on your partner mid coitus and see how they react. If there is a noticeably favorable response, you can work up from there, working a greater volume in each time. If that's still too bold straight out, that's fine. A different method is to start working it in to your daily life through other communication mediums. Many of the different phrases provided at the end of this article can be used as "one-off". Most possible things to say that are quite normal, but don't have to lead into more talking. This method often leads to further talking and discussion, however, both from the initial thrill that is experienced from finally saying something like this out loud, but also from the subsequent thrill of seeing how your partner reacts, and a desire to see them react that way again.
An email sent after a night of carnal pleasure is one way to test the waters; start out by telling your partner how much you enjoyed when they did x, y, or z, and be descriptive. We are not in kindergarten anymore; saying ,I enjoyed when you put your thing in my thing just will not cut it, and will serve as even more of a potential embarrassment than anything else. Use the names of your body parts, and theirs, that you learned in school, or use slang terms or colorful colloquialisms, but do not be vague. See how they respond, and go for there; while there is a very small possibility that they will not be receptive to receiving this type of email, the likelihood of receiving a response in kind is high. This can be done via text or serve as a starting point for phone sex as well.
Dirty talk done through the medium of text is referred to as sexing, and may provide the easiest way to get started, along with email, as it allows the initiator to do so from in front of a screen, behind a keyboard, offering the illusion of anonymity, in spite of the fact that you already know the person you are writing to.
Phone sex is another way to start, discussing sexual or sensual activities over the phone with your partner. This is best done in a private, quiet place, one where you feel perfectly comfortable, with not only your surroundings; but with anyone who may be in the vicinity. For example, someone might be comfortable initiating this while knowing their best friend is in the next room over, but they may not feel comfortable with their relatives in the next room. Comfort level is key, and as long as you are comfortable, the acts, the words; and the written text will become more and more comfortable as time goes by.
Oftentimes, all that a person is waiting for is for the other Person to say something first, and the more frequently you do so, the more like a second nature it will become and the more comfortable you will be with it.
Dirty talk adds spice, variety, and can be highly erotic but perhaps more importantly; it should be enjoys.The goal is not to add something that makes you comfortable, but to add something that both you and your partner can thoroughly enjoy.
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