When Things Don't Work Out:
When it comes to dating, none of us can be a good for everybody out there. For each of us there's a percentage of the vast partner pool who will be a good match, and a significant number who won't. That's why dating is often referred as a numbers game. Sometimes a person has to date many people with varying degrees of success and disappointment before they find that just right for them, a person have been working their way toward the entire time.
When a new relationship isn't working out,both parts may feel it, but, unfortunately, that's not always to almost certainly be times when you go to someone who, it turns out, is more attracted to you are to them. As simplistic as it may sound, this time to remember the golden rule, and treat you would wish to be treated under similar circumstances. Be honest about your feelings, but also find a way to let them down in and as generous a manner as possible.
What if it turns out that a person that you are attracted to doesn't feel the same way about you? It is true that there are relationships that began with an initial rejection and lack of interest, but when you go out with someone who makes it clear that a relationship isn't going to happen then it is time to move on. Although we all have the right to approach someone,we're attracted to, none of us are entitled to a "yes” response from a person who's not interested in being with us."
When we experience rejection, as long as we behave in a respectful way and accept the other person's decision, there's nothing to feel bad about. But, of course, we often do feel bad — sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. That's when a change in perspective and some supportive self-talk can help us move on to more promising opportunities.
Avoid Catastrophizing
If you get rejected it's important to keep your perspective on what just happened. When a person's self-esteem gets bruised by a romantic turn down, it becomes all too easy to engage in something that psychologists call Catastrophizing. What is Catastrophizing? That's when someone has a relatively minor setback in life, but they see it as a disaster that has long term consequences. In other words, a mole-hill's worth of misfortune gets built up into a mountain. This is a very common response when negative emotions get churned up, and can happen so automatically that we're not even aware that we're doing it. Often, Catastrophizing takes the form of highly pessimistic self-talk, blaming ourselves for what happened, telling ourselves that everything we do is wrong, deciding that we'll never succeed at romance or anything else. Human beings are somewhat hard-wired for worry because our minds are always trying to keep us safe from real dangers such as a truck skidding into our lane on the highway, but when we allow that process to run wild by exaggerating the consequences of a relatively minor (although unpleasant) experience, it can leave us feeling anxious and less able to cope well.
In order to stop yourself from catastrophizing, you must first become aware that you're doing it.That self-awareness can take some effort, because catastrophizing is a habit that usually occurs instantly without a conscious effort on our part. To catch yourself catastrophizing, start paying attention to your thoughts. What are you telling yourself? One clue that "we're engaging in this sort of worse-case-scenario thinking is that we talk to ourselves using absolutes. "This always happens to me that I never find a partner. "No one will ever be attracted to me." Always never .. no one . those types of words are typical of the extremely pessimistic thinking characteristic of catastrophizing.
If you realize that you are putting a very negative spin on an experience (or on a future event that you’re anticipating), for your own well-being and happiness it is important to correct this distorted thinking. It can be helpful to write down those catastrophizing thoughts that you’ve identified, and then make a list of all the other possible outcomes you can think of, from the very positive to the mildly disappointing. This gives you the full range of possibilities to consider, not just the worst case scenario that your fearful mind is pushing you toward. Even the simple acknowledgment that those more positive outcomes are possible helps to open us up to more optimistic thinking, giving us the resilience we need to keep moving toward our goals. The truth is the worst rarely happens and even if things don't turn out exactly as we'd like them to, there's a big difference between experiencing a disappointment and a catastrophe.
Learning to handle rejection well is a powerful, life-enhancing skill. By being able to take risks and know that you'll be okay if you get rejected, you will be more likely to go after opportunities and create fulfilling experiences for yourself As author Nora Roberts once wrote: "If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no.”
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