Women want to be treated well. Women want to feel appreciated. The most common mistake I see guys making (especially in the early dating stages) is setting up a beautiful evening but then treating the date like an old friend. By the end of the night, the woman leaves feeling confused (That's weird; I thought he asked me out on a date...) and the man leaves feeling frustrated (Why didn't I get closer to her? We didn't even kiss...I totally blew it!"). Let's assume that if your date put on make-up, spent at least half an hour deciding what to wear, and showed up to spend time with you, she's into you. Assume attraction and treat her like a woman. Make her feel safe, sexy, and surprised and you will undoubtedly be placed in her “Best Date Ever” category.
Who Should Pay?
Ah, yes, the age-old question.
Social norms have noticeably shifted these past few decades. In the 1950s; the gender gap was very rigid. Men did manly things and woman did girly things. Through the sexual revolution of the 1970s, there was a backlash against gender norms. Women flexed their masculinity by burning their bras and taking on careers outside of the home. Men let their hair grow long, learned how to cry, and expressed their softer feminine side. Post hippie era, we now live in a healthier grey-zone where men and women alike are free to express their masculine and feminine sides. You might be thinking, This is all well and good, but what do we do about the payment issue?"
In my opinion, it currently lies somewhere between “the man should still pay” and “whoever initiates the date should pay.” Call me old-fashioned, but I think chivalry is far from dead. And though it may be gasping its final breaths, being chivalrous and covering the bill makes it that much easier to stand out from other merits.
Additionally, if you really knew what women spend on things like their hair, makeup, and wardrobe, yo wouldn't hesitate for a second to pick up that tab.
From my past decade of fulltime dating, I have found that women really only care about one thing when it comes to handling payment: don't let it cause awkwardness.
Did you read that? It bears repeating.
Don't let the bill cause any awkwardness!
In other words, you're in a bad way if the check comes the end of your delicious meal and you both are doing the awkward payment dance. You start to feel each other out, to see who is offering to pay... Or maybe you're just going to split the bill? Or maybe not? Just avoid all of that horrible mess with these easy tips.
Don't let it hit the table
The golden rule for avoiding awkwardness, hands down. If you're going to a place that isn't really that expensive, use your ninja-stealth to hand your sender a credit card on your way to the bathroom. Ask for the bill to be prepared. Then, when you're done in the bathroom, come on out, sign the bill and be on your merry little way back to the table. Check? What check?
Don't take her up on her offer of splitting it
Whether it's a token offer or a real one, insist that because you wanted to take her on the date, you would only feel right being able to treat her to the evening. Oftentimes, the woman will reach for her purse (even when she knows the bill has been fully paid) with an "Oh, you shouldn't have" expression on her face and say that she wanted to pitch in. This is very sweet and can be a sign of a quality woman. But nine times out of ten, don't take the bait. She is usually just being polite. However, exceptions do apply...
If she really insists or you can tell it makes her feel uncomfortable...
Some women in this modern era really aren't comfortable feeling indebted to others (especially new partners). Call it a lack of trust or a surplus of social conditioning to be independent, but some of your dates will just not be into it... and that's totally fine. One way to handle this objection is something that I have used many times to set up the second date. If you have been
having fun up until this point and you know you want to see each other again, ask her if she cooks. If she says yes, tell her that she can make you dinner for the next date. This is wonderful because it allows her to feel like the pressure has been taken off and it also lets her gift you back with a (generally) less expensive date. Win- win!
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