You Attract What You Are

Whenever you meet a woman, you meet her in a context. For example, you may chat with a woman in a coffee shop, introduce yourself at a business networking event or attend a speed dating event that is going to make a huge difference. Where and in what context you meet women is called demographics. The theory of demographics is simple and easy to remember: like attracts like and you attract what you are. Just like a saying goes: "You're what you read, what you wear and what you eat."

Demographics can be changed

If you're a successful professional who likes fine whine, studied abroad and dresses well, chances are the types of women you're going to naturally meet and attract in your everyday life are going to be similarly educated, similar looking women with similar interests and similar success.

When demographics don't match up, then it causes friction, which prevents attraction from turning into intimacy and sex. But demographics can be changed. Story of John and Jenna as below is a typical example of how demographics change to affect how a relationship develops.

Story of John and Jenna

John is a 35-year-old engineer. He’s recently single and has only 2 serious ex-girlfriends before.Now,he is approching a very hot blond girl named Jenna.Jenna is 20-years-old and in her second year at community college. She comes from a worse part of town and has been working a retail job at a shoe store for the last few years to put herself through school. Jenna has no clue what she wants to do with her life. In fact, she has trouble thinking about the future. She's gone into debt buying clothes and spends more time at parties than studying or doing homework.

Compared with Jenna, John has three degrees, has spent the last eight years working 60 hours per week and never drinks. He’s maybe been to 20 parties in his entire life and has only been drunk twice. He’s passive and analytical and his sense of humor is highly intellectual. He's soft-spoken and thoughtful. He’s not dressed entirely well and his hair is unkempt. He wears big glasses and is slightly shorter than average.

It’s not hard to see that when he meets ]enna, no matter what he says or what line he uses, it’s going to end quickly, and chances are Jenna is not going to be subtle about her lack of interest in John. It’s just a simple incompatibility. John’s values don’t line up with Jenna's. Jenna's lifestyle and interests don’t match with John’s. John is older but less experienced. Jenna is younger but more experienced. John is mature and practical. Jenna is immature and impulsive. There are mismatches going on all over place.

However,as two years went by, John has worked on himself. He dresses impeccably now — wearing high-quality clothing and designer brands that are not only stylish but reflect successful business persona. He’s well groomed. He’s gone to the gym and buffed up, gotten contacts instead of glasses and paid a stylist to fix up his hair.

John's also discovered how to lighten up a little bit and enjoy a party now and then. Occasionally, he goes out with some of his new young professional friends to have drinks and a little fun. He’s begun spending more time at the beach and has been teaching himself the guitar on and off. His social confidence has soared, and his lifestyle has expanded and grown.

Jenna has also changed in the past two years. Since she last met John, she’s dedicated herself to her studies. She just got into nursing school and has been taking it seriously and realizes she's smarter than she thought she was and that, at times, she actually enjoys learning. She also got out of a one-year relationship with a football player who was irresponsible and treated her like crap. She’s realized that she needs a man who is more responsible than she is and that she needs to stand up for herself and expect more out of the men she dates.

This time, when John approaches her (lines or not), they suddenly have an overlapping demographic: John is now an attractive, well-kept, successful bachelor who knows how to let loose, have fun and express his emotions; Jenna is now not only beautiful but also responsible, ambitious and confident. And like that, there’s not mutual attraction.Because John (and Jenna) worked on themselves, broadened their demographics, enriched their lifestyles, and lived their lives in ways that were more in line with what they wanted, they came to find enough common ground to be attracted to one another.

This is the power of demographics.Notice that it has little to do with the people themselves — whether or not they’re attracted to each other — but more to do with timing. Two years prior they were not compatible. Two years later, they are.Right person, wrong time.

You attract what you are

Whenever you confront with frictions in a relationship, it's unavoidable. Clever lines won’t change it. Being good-looking won’t change it. Being rich won't change it. If you hate what she loves and she hates what you love, it’a not going to go anywhere. The answer isn’t replacing your identity and passions; the answer is to expand your identity and passions. Expand it to include new and interesting activities, new modes of expression, and new ways of presenting yourself.

Demographics explain why you meet women you just “click” with sometimes, and why, more often than not, you meet these women in situations where you're having fun and doing what you love.