1. Decide to discuss the issue.
Find time where both you and your spouse can really talk and listen to each other. If now is not the right time, then find a time that works for both of you. Then, commit to it.
2. Let your spouse know what your intentions are.
It is important to state your intentions before you begin the conversation. You can say something like "I hope that this could make us feel closer to each other” or “I want us to be more comfortable to talk to each other about our thoughts and feelings."
3. Be willing to listen to your partner.
When your partner starts to open up, you have to listen to every word he wants to say. Then, try to empathize with your partner even when you do not agree with him.
If your partner tells you HI feel that you are neglecting my needs. Do not be defensive and say 'That's not true". Remember that if your partner feels neglected, maybe you have done things that make him feel that way. So, instead of being defensive, ask questions like, "What makes you feel that way?" or "What did I do to make you feel that way?"
Do not dismiss your partner's feelings and concerns as something that's juvenile. You must acknowledge your partner feelings and say something like, "I apologize that I made you feel that way, it was not my intention”.
4. Seek to understand rather than be understood.
Before you explain your position, take time to understand your partner's feelings. Ask yourself these questions:
• Why is he/she upset that I did give her/him a gift for our anniversary?
• Would I feel that way if he/she forgot to give me a gift?
• Why does she/he put a lot of importance on the gifts? Is it because she/he’s materialistic or is it because he/she sees gifts as a symbol of my love?
• What can I do to make her/him feel better?
5. Be patient.
It may take some time for your spouse to really open up to you so you have to be patient. Remember that promoting trust, respect, and openness is not a onetime thing. It’s not going effort.
6. Thank your partner for opening up to you.
You must thank your partner for opening up to you and Jet him know that you appreciate his efforts.
7. Reassure your spouse that you are his team mate and not his opponent.
After your dialogue with your spouse, you must reassure him that he is your team mate and not your opponent. You have to let him know that you will always be by his side no matter what.
You can say something like:
"Honey, you can tell me anything. I may not agree with you. But, we can agree to disagree. At the end of the day, I'll be your partner and your team mate. We will solve our problems together. I'll always be here for you."
These words will assure your partner that you respect and accept him/her just the way he/she is.
Getting your partner to open up is not as hard as you think. You just have to initiate the dialogue and let your partner know that he can tell you anything.
Comment