Are these phrases familiar to you:
“Why can’t you behave yourself like your sister does?”
“Why don’t you have the common sense of your brother?”
“why are you so stupid?”
As you grow up, things that happen influence you in your life. Your parents may compare you with a sibling. That comparison may not be something that the sibling enjoys any more than you do, and it’s certainly not fair that parents should compare one child negatively to another. This will cause jealousy from an early age; and if you feel any kind of jealousy toward a sibling, it can last a lifetime.
Unfortunately, when people become parents, there is no handbook. There will be moments when parents find that they are out of their depths with despair. One child acts up, another doesn’t. One child seems normal and has loads of friends, whereas the other is withdrawn. One child studies hard, whereas another finds it hard to read even the simplest of words. Of course, in circumstances such as this, parents don't know what to do. They worry for their kids, but they are out of their depths because these are not behavioral experts. In a moment of frustration, they use comparisons because they don't know any other way of explaining to their kids what's wrong. In the process, though, they can do much harm to the psyche of a child.
The child may think that he or she doesn't measure up. The child may see one sibling as always being favored, and this makes that child feel deprived of something. The child may also feel that a parent doesn't love him or her. These are all typical patterns that can happen in childhood. The green-eyed monster can start even at the age of 2, when a child’s toy is snatched from him by a parent and given to another child to play with. It's serious stuff for the child, and he or she remembers that negative feeling that someone got the best out of the situation and that he or she was left feeling betrayed.
Jealousy can take the form of feeling inferior to a sibling. It may be something that happens when a child feels that a sibling is better looking, more intelligent, or better treated by the parents. The child sees this as unjust, and perhaps it is, but the point is that if you continue to make comparisons all of your life, there will always be the haves and the have-nots, the pretty and the plain, the fat and the slim, and the rich and the poor. The comparisons that people have in their lives will always be there, and while it’s quite healthy to work toward presenting yourself in the best way possible, it’s not healthy to feel jealous or envious of those who have what it is that you want.
Comment