There is an incredible biological basis behind love and remarkable sex. This means there are many biological processes that occur to encourage sex, and it’s handy to know what is involved so you can understand exactly what makes people want to have sex with you. When we start the process of courting someone, or even standing closer to someone, this biological basis drives us to sex. It happens all within our heads and bodies through hormones, neurotransmitters, and bodily fluids and functions.
Through multiple studies,Helen Fisher clarifies what she calls the three stages of love. These are the stages we all go through in any given scenario where we are presented with the possibility of sex. For our purposes,imagine that these three stages are occurring in your body right as you meet someone attractive of the opposite sex at a bar or club.Fishery’s three stages of love are differentiated by the hormones, neurotransmitters, and body chemicals that are released in each. They all serve very different purposes in strengthening the drive towards sex.
Her three stages of love are:
•Lust
•Attraction
•Attachment
Stage 1： Lust
This is the first stage of love. It’s where men and women are driven by the simplest of sex hormones, testosterone and estrogen. This is the phase of love where you are just seeking a mate for the night. You’re not looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now.
This makes undeniable sense as the first stage of love because this is our biological imperative and goal: to mate, which is pleasurable, and create the byproduct of mating, progeny and children.
It’s also no coincidence that the first thing we evaluate and think about when we look at someone new is whether we would like to have sex with them, how attractive they are, and how much they turn us on. Love starts with lust, and lust is driven by the two main sex hormones.
This also makes sense as the first stage of love because it’s the broadest and most vague. We are only seeking people for sex. There is nothing beyond that, and emotional attachment, sense of humor, or even kindness don't enter the picture until far later. In other words, the stages of love also resemble a funnel. The first stage is the widest part of the funnel, and as potential mates are filtered out by each stage, the funnel width decreases.
This also parallels the dating process closely. We don’t pay attention or consider people that we aren't attracted to. There has to be some semblance of physical attraction, if there isn’t, well, that’s what makes a great platonic opposite-sex friend, or someone that will stay in the friend zone forever.
Stage 2: Attraction
If you’ve established that you want to have sex with someone you find physically suitable, and it’s a mutual feeling, then you will enter this phase of love.
Most people would call this the honeymoon phase. For the purposes of this book, it makes more sense to call it the addiction phase. There’s a few reasons for that.
The main physiological actors in this stage are three neurotransmitters known as adrenaline, dopamine, and serotonin. Now, what are these neurotransmitters best known for? These are the ones released and consumed when you take drugs. Hence, the physical reaction in this second stage of love is the exact same as when you are addicted to a drug. That person becomes something that makes your body produce and release these neurotransmitters, and if you are deprived of them, you can suffer symptoms similar to withdrawal from a drug habit.
Fisher examined the brain waves and chemical composition of new couples in the so-called honeymoon phase. Dopamine was far above average, and the behavior of the couples themselves was telling: they would act like addicts and forego sleep, responsibilities, and food to focus on their new partners and delight in their smallest quirks.
Dr. Donatella Maraziti of the University of Pisa discovered that couples had about the same amount of serotonin in their brains as obsessive-compulsive disorder patients - people who can’t stop fixating or thinking about certain actions and objects. Sounds about right.
If you’ve ever been head over heels for someone, this shouldn’t come as a surprise. You can be apart from someone for ten minutes and miss them so much, and then hug them when they return like you never want to let go.
It’s adorable, but it’s also biological programming to ensure that we have sex, mate, and keep each other alive throughout the whole process. That addictive reaction, and feeling like you can't live without someone, that is what keeps us alive through famine, drought, animal attacks, and plague.
More specifically, your stress hormones of cortisol and adrenaline are released when you meet someone new, which accounts for the sweaty palms, racing heart, and butterflies in your stomach. It’s the exact same type of feeling you’ll get when you are about to punch someone in the face, or when you are about to take the stage for a big speech.
There is a particular balance that must occur here, because while dopamine can crease feelings of happiness and contentment, testosterone (in both genders) increases desire, lust, and aggressive behavior to effectuate that lust.
Other hormones that are involved to a smaller degree are norephinephrine and phenylethlamine, both of which contribute to feelings of euphoric giddiness and downright obsession that the honeymoon phase can bring.
Stage 3: Attachment
After the initial lust phase and the secondary addiction phase, all is for naught if your mate doesn’t stick around. In evolutionary terms, if you can’t fulfill the purpose of mating for children, then it was all wasted effort.
After you've mated, you need to make sure that your future (for yourself and your children) is set up and secure. What is the best way to do that? Make sure that your mate stays and sticks around, and doesn't run off to create or raise children with someone else. That’s what the hormones and physiological processes in this stage of love are designed to do - make someone attached.
Scientists have identified two main hormones that cause this feeling of attachment and general love: oxytocin and vasopressin.
You may have heard of oxytocin before. It is casually known as the cuddle hormone, and that means that it is released when someone experiences skin-to-skin contact with someone else. It is also released when someone experiences an orgasm.
What does oxytocin do? It creates feelings of openness, trust, vulnerability, security, and attachment. Indeed,there are few times when we feel as close to someone as we do right after we orgasm with them. Oxytocin is also released during the breastfeeding process for both a newborn and the mother, which cements the assertion that oxytocin creates a loving atmosphere designed to create security and stability.
You may not have heard of Vasopressin before. It’s another hormone that essentially causes feelings of devotion, bonding, attachment, and fixation. Scientists found that when male prairie voles had vasopressin suppressed, their bond with their partner instantly disappeared and they didn’t protect their partners from other male suitors anymore.
Attachment is the bond that keeps people together long enough for them to have and raise children together. It keeps them protected as a unit against threats.
The biological basis of love has worked for millennia, and even works through all the distractions we have in modern day life. When you know the stages of romantic love, it should be easier to follow along and spike those hormonal reactions yourself because you know exactly what is supposed to happen.
The three stages as the biological basis behind love and remarkable sex has indeed achieved a marvel that we as a species still exist. There were so many obstacles to our continued reproduction that were outside of our control, from predators, to extinction events, volatile weather, and the overall delicate nature of the human body. In addition to those external factors that could wipe out, human beings also have to deal with internal factors that prevent us from reproducing as much as might want to or like to. Our moodiness, our emotic our sense of self-consciousness and fear of rejection, our lack of natural charm, the list could go on. This persists even to this day.It's a good thing that we have an incredible drive produce, otherwise the species may not have survived! Indeed, you could say that our species may still surviving only because of this biological drive.
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