According to relevant reseach, it has been found there are three stages from flirting to sex in a relationship developing process. In other words, for people who started as strangers, then utilized flirting as a means to sex, are involved in a process consisting of three stages: 1. Approach; 2. Synchronize; 3.Touch.
Approach
Approach stage is the first stage. As you might guess, this governs how a successful approach of a stranger for flirtation works. If the approach is not received warmly or at all, the flirtation will immediately end. Researchers articulated three distinct points that would predict how well an approach would go.
The first factor was the direction and orientation of the approach. Males disliked being approached from the front, but females disliked being approached from the side (Fisher & Byrne, 1975). This speaks to how the different genders felt about violations of personal space. Males felt more comfortable being approached from the side, where females felt more comfortabl being approached from the front. This means femal actually felt more comfortable with a greater degree violation of their personal space.
The second factor is in smiles. They found that smiles were more indicative of a successful approach, and that the smile is genuine and not insincere. An insincere smile was charactetized by being delayed, a lack of wrinkls, and a lack of teeth shown.
The final factor determined a successful approach was people’s use their eyebrows and overall facial expressiveness. When we use our eyebrows separately and independently from other non-verbal gestures, we are essentially saying hello to someone with them. The researchers called this “flashing” our eyebrows. Eyebrow flashes were more successful when approaching people.
Synchronize
Synchronize is the second stage to a successful flirtation interaction, and will only occur when the first stage of approaching was successful.
Once the actual physical approach is accepted or welcomed, then a conversation starter is necessary.
Other various studies have expounded on what types of pick-up lines work best. The ones that worked best in the flirtation context were not cute and flippant. Those had a higher chance of failure. What worked more consistently, and was reported to generate higher levels of interest, were simple, straightforward introductions or observations about the environment. In other words, keep it simple, stupid.
The reason this stage is called “synchronize” is because people’s bodies will literally synchronize to face each other, and their movements and energy will become similar so as to adjust and adapt to the other person. That’s what happens when rapport and interest are established. We begin minoring their tone of voice and body language, in an effort to appear more similar, and thus attractive, to them.
A successful synchronize stage is characterized by people simply looking directly at each other, making eye contact, being physically close, and otherwise appearing engaged. Both parties have signaled that they are interested in a continuing interaction by locking their positions. Initial attraction has been built, and they pass each others superficial filters and first impressions. They’re speaking, but they're also analyzing each other's body language and facial expressions to determine the level of interest they should show, and that is present in the other person. This is where the flirtation game truly begins.
Touch
This is the final stage of a successful flirtation interaction: if the parties successfully touch each other, and the touch is received warmly, then the feedback will spur the parties to touch each other more, and the rest is history.
Of course, this stage isn’t only about touch. It’s about the continued rapport and tension that is created as a result of being in close proximity with each other. Touching heightens that and makes intentions clearer. There are many types of touching. Both parties will start at more neutral touching that can be interpreted in multiple ways before diving into the types of touch that are unmistakable in their intent and purpose.
This stage is about drawing closer not only physically, but mentally. We are listening and speaking to others and connecting on an emotional level. We are sharing about ourselves, listening intently, and finding similarities that go beyond being in the same place at the same time.
Females are more likely to touch males first, and in subtle ways. Grabbing the arm or shoulder are very typical ways of doing this. However, additional research has shown that females are highly attracted to a sense of humor, so it behooves males to touch lightly here while focusing on being funny and witty, which will make women touch them.
Now that we know the stages of flirting to sex, what should we do with this knowledge? We need to diagnose how we send out our own messages and what we are doing, and what we aren’t doing.
For example, many people think they make their intentions well known, but they never so much as touch their intended mates. Clearly, that's something to address because they are not following the flirting script that has been proven to be effective and successful. Others may skip right over the approach phase and immediately begin touching. That is also an instance where someone is not following the script and is skipping steps that are necessary to build rapport and comfort.
This script is highly simplified, but that’s about as good as you can get for human interaction. There are so many shades of gray and different interpretations of the same action that three steps is relatively detailed.
This allows us to visualize what we should be doing, or what we should be looking for. If you want to approach a stranger, you should make sure that your actual physical approach is improved and smooth, and that you have a conversation starter immediately ready to employ. Then, after building rapport with humor, you should begin touching to create a sense of tension and attraction.
If it sounds clinical, it's because to some degree, it is. That’s the nature of the science of remarkable sex: sometimes the steps that get us there are scientific!
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