The natural parent doesn't exist. Oh, people may have maternal or paternal tendencies to love and nurture, but parenting is overall a learned skill. Begin with the following ideas, read, and talk to fellow parents as you share wisdom, because a great sex life depends on your parenting and disciplining abilities.
Discipline
Enforcing bedtimes. Enforcing bedtimes is tough. Rewards and loss of privileges work well with older children, but for the very little ones一eighteen months through four years一 no reward (or sometimes even punishment) is more powerful than the fear loneliness a child may expe rience in the solitude of a dark bedroom. “Mommy and Daddy have someone to sleep with, but I’m all alone. ”This is where rituals and routines—stories and bedtime prayers—make bedtime a time to look forward to rather than dread. Sometimes a cassette tape made by Mommy or Daddy talking to the child provides the much-needed distraction as the child tries to focus on all the good things being said about him or her.
Naps as family rituals. If one of the staples of lovemaking during the children years is quickies and seizing opportunities, then nap times can be crucial. Schedule them in—especially on Sundays after church.
Limiting Activites. Discipline involves saying no to extracurricular activites and peer involvement at times to protect marital intimacy. These preteen and teen years can occupy every minute with demands and erratic schedules. Some parental selfishness may be needed for lovemaking to exist—much less flourish.
House Rules
Respecting a locked door. Teaching privacy and the need to knock on a locked door is important. Even with the door locked, the wife can struggle with focusing and letting go without worrying about interruptions. It slowly becomes easier after the children are trained better and the locked door can be trusted. Sometimes moms, even with their femmine susceptibility to being distracted, are able to get back into the lovemaking after an interruption. Other times the mood is completely broken and the couple simply needs to get up and agree to resume later.
I am reminded of the parents whose child wanted a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich and the parents were trying to train him to wait while they were in the bedroom.
Dad saw a piece of bread being forced under the door and jumped up—knowing the peanut butter and jelly was soon to follow.
Mommy and Daddy time. Friends of mine trained their kids to allow Mommy and Daddy to have a few minutes together after the evening meal, while the children played by themselves. This can be taught in various ways as children respect that parents need private time personally and together as a couple. One of my clients remembers 'when he was a teenager and Mom. and Dad sent him and his sister into town for a movie so they could clean the garage. They returned to find Mom and Dad grinning and laughing, but the garage had not been touched. Now that they are both married it is a family joke, and they will sometimes kid their parents that they hope they can keep the kids because their own garages really need cleaning.
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