Just as if you want others do favors for you, you shall do favors for youselves first. If you want the best for your partner, naturally,you both shall play together in the same team to live up to the full potention of both of you.However, how you suggest potential change to your partner may be quite different from how you communicate with your friends of the same gender. For example, if as a male, when your friend John is dragging his heels in his career, you tell him to step up. When Peter is spending money frivolously,you tell him to control himself. They are much more likely to respond to your challenge. But it's a very different story if you tell your girlfriend she should lose weight.So why do you receive positive feedback when you challenge your friends, but you get in trouble when you challenge your partner? You might be a driven man and it comes down to the core of masculine energy versus feminine energy.The masculine in all of us responds being challenged while the feminine responds to be encouraged.
How's a driven man look like?
Assuming that your partner associates primarily with the feminine in your relationship, the reason that she becomes upset with you when you tell her that she slipping in some way is because you are challenging her in an area where she already feels vulnerable. You are challenging her when you need to be encouraging her.For a driven man, this can be a difficult concept to understand. If you respond to challenge, it's only natural to assume that others do as well. But not everyone is necessarily as driven and decisive as you are.
What's a driven man need to do?
You need to learn to lead with praise and not with pressure. You need to learn how to play on the same team. Do you want to have sex with the lights on more often? Remind her how sexy you find her actively love and appreciate her body as often as possible.Do you wish she read more books? Consciously her mind and intelligence more than whatever you normally compliment for the next few weeks.Do you wish she exercised with you more often and appreciate her when she is doing anything remotely active. Tell her how sexy she looks when her sweating. Love every part of her body and encourage her throughout her process and you will weight drop off.
Encourage, praise, and appreciate whatever actions you want to see occur more frequently.
Then reflect yourself by asking how encouraging are you of yourself?
A common theme for extremely driven people is that they are extremely hard to themselves. This may be a mark of a lack of self-love.
If you have a difficult time encouraging your partner, look inwardly first.
One of the best things that you can do for yousrself and for your relationship is to practice being more patient, kind, and loving with yourself. Learn to balance your masculine drive with your feminine side. By expanding your ability to love yourself, you give yourself more emotional bandwidth to show love to your partner.
The more you love your so-called imperfections, the more you can appreciate hers.
And while I'm on the subject, have you ever stopped to think about how sexy her imperfections are?
If you think back to all of the hottest/sexiest/most attractive moments in your relationship, they were likely not the ones where your partner was “flawless” but more likely when she was showing herself in her truest most honest form. As marriage therapist Robert Glove once said, "Humans are attracted to each other's rough edges.”
A large element of self-development is the emotion process of getting yourself to a place of believing that you’re enough. That you, and how you currently exist are already perfect as you are. By allowing yourself ease into that mindset more often, you will find it easier to extend that same kindness to your partner.
In conclusion, if you and your partner not in the same team and you find it difficult to compliment your partner, it might be because you are being too hard yourself internally. Every person requires a certain amount of self-compassion and self-love to thrive. Maybe you are just stuck on challenging, pushing and growing and you find it very hard to ease in praising, accepting, and loving. But for the emotional and physical well being of both you and your parter, encouragement and acceptance could be some of most important actions you ever embrace.
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