Is your partner as generous with appreciation and praises as they are about criticism?
Listening And Acknowledging
How many times have you wanted to share something with your partner only because you wanted an empathetic listening only to end up listening to a whole bunch of advice (however well-meaning) and things you shouldn’t have done? Yes. Sometimes we just want someone to give us a patient hearing and acknowledge our feelings.
Sharing our feelings and problems doesn’t always mean we are looking for solutions. Does your partner listen to you and acknowledge your feelings before explaining their position on it? Do they listen intently to make you feel better or do they only listen to come up with seemingly smart replies and solutions? Do they think they are being helpful by quickly jumping into the solution offering mode or do they refrain from making any remarks until they’ve heard you out completely?
Do you or your partner display signs that indicate you/your partner is listening attentively to the other? Do you/your partner reflect upon what is said by the other person? Does the other person feel heard when they are sharing their feelings and experiences? Does their body language indicate they are completely tuned in to what you are saying? Does your partner try to feel what you are going through? Do they take special care to empathize with how you are currently feeling? Does their body language defeat what they are actually saying?
Communicating About Unpleasant Things
How do you and your partner approach issues that are tricky to discuss? For instance, you want to spend more time with your partner but you know they are busy for the next few months on a really important assignment, how do you convey it to them? How do you or your partner communicate about issues that are potential problem posers in the relationship? Say for instance, they have unhealthy eating or spending habits or aren't spending enough time with you, are you able to effectively communicate your displeasure to them?
The sandwich communication method is what relationship experts suggest. This is nothing but sandwiching a potentially negative statement/accusation between glowing statements to make your partner feel less offended by it.
For example, if you find that your partner and you aren’t spending enough time together, you could say something like “I love you so much Pat and being with you makes me really happy. I am having a tough time with your round the clock schedule. It's always wonderful when we are together”.
Do you or partner use the sandwich method when it comes to communicating something potentially unpleasant? Or are they more offensive and direct when it comes to sharing their grievances? When it comes to sharing their grievances, is their communication pattern more demanding and accusatory? Or is it more positive, solution-oriented and non-confrontational?
Does your partner ask more open-ended questions to understand exactly how you are feeling? Do they sound calm and rational when they talk to you about things they don’t appreciate? Do they gently and sensitively change the topic of conversation when they think it’s getting tough for you to handle? Are they more focused on their point of view or strive to find a middle ground? Do they take time off and re-approach the concern later or are they hell-bent on solving the issue right then, irrespective of how you feel?
The I and You People
Is your partner more of an “I” or “You” person when it comes to communication? For instance, instead of attacking you with a “you did this or you did that”, do they pull down your defensive feeling by focusing on how they feel with an “I feel disappointed when you do this." Is your partner less accusatory and more amenable when it comes to talking about differences or their dislikes?
Are they gentle with editing the criticism? Do they seek to understand before being understood? Do they use humor and diplomacy to break the pattern of negativity and convey things more positively? Do they make the right physical contact to suggest more loving and less animosity-laden feelings during arguments and disagreements?
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