Honesty builds trust.Honesty and openness to each other in a relationship means far more than just seeking each other for advice by hiding your own inner thoughts or just frankly tells your thoughts in an inapproriate way.And what you shall be honest about shall be far more than just about the present moment you are together.To fulfilling understand honesty, let's view two couples's conflict as example first.
When Dinner Goes Bad-Charlie & Judith
Charlie’s ex-wife Judith used always defer to Charlie for decisions on dinner. Charlie would legitimately want to know what Judith wanted, but she would never open up and tell him. This was a behavior she learned from a past abusive relationship with her father. When their marriage began to have troubles, Judith and Charlie would bring this up during counseling:
Charlie always dictates what is for dinner. It's just easier for me to defer to him than to have an argument about dinner. “I just don't want to get into an argument like I used to with my father.”
“If Judith actually told me what she wanted for dinner, I'd be more than happy to oblige. She never speaks her mind,I never know what she is thinking. I can't read minds.”
Home Wrecker-Pete & Joanna
Pete bothered to tell his fiancee Joanna. Pete's brother ended up defaulting on the loan, and Pete was stuck paying off the remainder of the loan which was tens of thousands of dollars. When Pete and Joanna decided to buy a home they were rejected for the home Joan because of the defaulted student loan. Joanna was devastated that Pete didn’t confide in her about the Joan. When their pastor interviewed the couple as part of marriage preparation, the two shared:
“I didn't tell Joanna about the loan because I didn't want her to stress out about it. It wasn't her responsibility to care of anyway.”
“Why didn't Pete just tell me before we went for the the loan? We could have figured out a way to share our finances. What else could he be keeping from me?”
Secret: Be honest and open about past history, present situation and feelings, and future hopes and dreams.
Honesty builds trust, and builds a stronger relationship. Whether a relationshipis just starting, or to be repaired, honesty is always the building work to trust.
As trite as it may sound, honesty and trust begins with the smaller issues first Your spouse may ask you, “Do you like this dress on me?” or, “What wouid like for dinner?" These are the everyday questions that hit spouses. But it is in these questions that we begin our solid communication of honesty and openness. If we can't be honest about these subject matters, how could we expect to be honest about more serious, and more difficult subjects?
Spouses need to be honest about their pasts to the extent that their partners want to, and need to hear. Perhaps a spouse won't need every detail of past physical intimacies, but they should hear about past failures or flaws. People are more often than not willing to share their past successes. However, being open and honest about past failures will help to avoid being placed on a pedestal.
Husbands and wives need to be honest about how they presently feel about things, if one partner feels hurt from the other, then he or she needs to communicate in a respectful and loving manner. Alternatively, if your partner makes you feel loved, it’s good to communicate the positive feelings as well.Couples also need to be open and honestly share their expectations for the future.The more you can share up front, the clearer the expectations are for each partner.
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