No one should ever be pressured to do something they're uncomfortable with or feel is sinful. It is never worth jeopardizing the safety of the marriage bed by pushing something on your spouse!
That being said, sometimes it's not a matter of feeling that it's wrong. More often, we hesitate because：
1.We're a little scared of something new
2.We think we may not be able to do it right
3.We're embarrassed
4.We're afraid that if we try something new, our spouse will want it all the time
5.We don’t think it’s sinful, and we don’t think it’s wrong, it!s just not our cup of tea.
But make sure that you're not saying something is morally wrong just because it isn’t the “missionary position”. Sometimes we're too quick to label things as morally wrong (though, of course, some things, like porn, definitely are). Here are some adventurous ways to help you play games to become more exciting, without violating your sense of decorum.
1.Give “love coupons”
Sometimes the idea of having to be at someone’s mercy is enticing. We often hesitate sexually because we ask ourselves, "do I really want to do this? Is this too wild for me? And we get so caught up analyzing it we're not able to make a decision.
Emailing your spouse a coupon saying, 'tonight you own me for an hour or Anything you want is yours tonight” can get around that hesitancy.
And if you’re going to do this, set up a safe word, like “uncle”, that you can say when you feel like it’s too much. Yes, even if you give coupons, you still have a will and you still have autonomy and can say no.
2.Give each other "veto" chips
At the beginning of the month, each person gets two veto chips, under these conditions: throughout the month, when you are making love, you can use a veto chip on something that you’ve already done before. If it's something you’ve never tried, you can ALWAYS veto it—you don’t lose a chip over this. But if you have tried it before, use your chips to veto. And you can't veto a veto!
That way you each feel as if you're getting your needs met, but you also know that you aren't imposing because the other person can say no.
3.Create “his” and “hers” nights
One woman who answered one of my surveys for The Good Girl、Guide to Great Sex explained how she and her husband handled this. Her husband tends to be more adventurous than she is. So one evening a week is for him, where they do things that he wants. One evening a week is for her, where they do things the way she wants-like starting with a long back massage and then being very gentle. And then the other evenings are just “normal”. This way each of them feels as if their needs are met, and they both go out of their way to make things fun for the other person on that person's night, because they know it will be reciprocated!
4.Write Down Fantasies
At the beginning of the year, both of you write down 12 things that you would like to do that are special. Maybe you've already done them before, or maybe you haven't. Don't show your spouse what’s on your sheet of paper. Fold up the papers and put them in a jar, and once a month, on different nights, you each draw a piece of paper and do what's on the paper. Again, the rules about saying “uncle” still apply. You never HAVE to do anything. But if you each have things written down, and you know it’s a give and take, then your spouse can feel like you're going out of your way to meet his needs without feeling like you have to do it every night. This saves the special things for special nights!
5.Play Match-the-DIce
Get two dice of different colors, and write on a sheet of paper what each dice means.
Red Dice-Actions
Choose six actions, like kiss, stroke, lick, rub, flick, suck, and assign them to 1-6.
Blue Dice - Parts of the Body
Choose six body parts and assign them to 1-6, like mouth, fingers, ears, toes, genitals, breasts.
Take turns throwing the dice, and do whatever combina-tion comes up! You can make the game as adventurous or as tame as you want by varying the actions or body parts. Make sure you give enough time-lets say at least a minute- to each task.
6.Play Match-An-Activity
A variation on the dice game above, this time, instead of matching an action with a body part, assign a specific activity to each number (either 1-6 or 1-12, depending on how many activities you want to use). Have each of you choose half of the activities that drive you wild. Examples could be mild things, like deep kissing, or blowing and teasing and sacking his car, to more adventurous things, like watching her rub lotion her breasts, performing oral ear, or using a specific sexual position. Then get a timer and you must do each thing for minutes.This constant start-and-stopping means that you delay orgasm for quite a while, so when it does finally happen it’s much more intense.
Sometimes the things that we want each other to do stretch our boundaries a bit. So write out your list yourself, with a few extras, and then read your lists together. You can veto ones that you're very uncomfortable with, but try to keep at least one that stretches you. If you only have to do it for a maximum of two minutes, that makes it less intimidating while making your spouse feel loved because you're willing to try something new.
7.Create a Multi-Sensory Experience
We have five senses: sight, hearing, touching, tasting, and smelling. Write down each of the senses on a piece of paper and put them in a jar. Alternate nights, so that you’re each responsible for a different night. On your night, pick out three pieces of paper, and create a sexual experience that uses those three senses.
Often we really only use one-touch. We make love with the lights off, we don’t say much, and we don't really even taste. So figure out way to engage the different senses! For sight, she can wear something pretty to bed. For taste, use flavored lip balm, or feed her some chocolate, or whatever you'd like! For hearing, you can tell her a story. For smelling, you can put perfume somewhere and ask him to find it. Be creative!
Challenge yourself, though, to come up with different things for each sense when it's your night, so that you're always changing things up a little bit.
8.Play Pick-a-Position
For this one youll need a dice and a kitchen timer.
Each of you write down your three favorite positions, and then assign them to numbers on the dice. If you each pick the same position, then you can add variations to it (like sitting or standing, or in a chair, or legs up or legs down). Then roll the dice, and do whatever it says for two minutes, until the timer goes off. Set the timer for two minutes again and roll the dice again.
Incidentally, this often helps men to last a little longer because the stimulation is start-and-stop, which can help prolong the experience.
There you have it! Eight ways to try new things and spice things up that are perhaps less intimidating than feeling like you have to always do one particular thing. Sometimes a man (or a woman) will get fixated on one particular sexual thing they want to try. It is okay to say no. But if you are regularly doing at least one of these ideas, and making love with relative frequency, you'll likely find that this request becomes less and less important. Do things slightly differently, and your spouse will feel as if your sex life is really exciting, which is what you want-for both of you.
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