Sex is everywhere. It’s used to sell cars. It’s used to sell movies. It motivates clothing purchases, vacation destinations, and even car choices. You can't get away from it.
But what is sex really supposed to be about?
When I was thinking about that question, I was browsing the internet for a picture to match the blog post I would write (for this ebook originally began as a series of blog posts on my blog, http://tolovehonorandvacuuni.com). I came across a picture of a man and a woman in their wedding attire: she in a flowing white gown, he in a tuxedo. And they were sitting together on a bed.
I don't know how many of us would have been gutsy enough to have a wedding photograph taken on a bed (or how many of us would hang such a picture on our wall), but I think it's refreshing, because it says：
This is important. This is a vital part of our relationship. And it all starts now—after the wedding.
Sex is the physical acting out of everything that marriage is. We become vulnerable with one another. We become naked with one another completely-and what means real intimacy, not just physical intimacy. We cherish each other. We protect each other. But we also have a ton of fun with each other!
Think about it: in marriage, we are fully committed to one another for life. We love each other and we cherish each other. We laugh together and we cry together. And in sex, we also do all of those things and express all of those things, because sex is uniquely created to do that. God made sex to feel great, but He also made it to be a deeply intimate experience.
But while sex is supposed to be stupendous, what if that’s not what you're experiencing? I read this quotation on Twitter recently.
Satan's big marriage strategy, get people to have sex before they're married. Then get them to stop once they're married!
Now perhaps you don't believe in Satan—or even in God一 and that's Okay. You can still get everything out of these challenges. But hear out just for a second. Here's the problem with so many us having sex before we're committed for life: it makes sex all about the physical, and not about the spiritual or emotional connection. And then, because sex has come to mean mostly pleasure, it can lose its ability to really cement us together in other ways.
But the problem doesn’t stop there. When we do finally get married and commit to someone, we often stop having sex. Or at least we have it rather infrequently. In surveys I took for my book. The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex, I found that 40% of couples made love less than once a week We're just not connecting that often.
So the "act of marriage", that act that can be so wonderful, and so fun, and so significant, often isn't even happening.
Or maybe for you it is happening, but it just doesn't feel very pleasurable. You can't figure out what all the fuss is about, and you’re worried that it was created for everyone but you. Or you're haunted by your past-maybe stuff that you did breathlessly in the backseat of a car, or something that was done to you by an uncle, or a baby-sitter, or a date or maybe you have a hard time staying present when you make love- you’re haunted by images of porn, or movies, or TV shows. And that intimacy is absent.
This month we’re going to Walk through these issues and uncover ways to find the true freedom that sex is supposed to be! Sex is supposed to be wonderful：
Physically： we're supposed to feel wonderful together.
Emotionally： We're supposed to be able to laugh, have fun, and develop a deep friendship.
Spiritually： We're supposed to feel deeply intimate and like one.
We are going to start unpacking how we can increase the connection and the laughter during sex for the first week or so, and then we're going to look at specific strategies to make sex itself great.
Challenge for Her:
On a scale (with 10 being the best), our sex life is：
Physically
Spiritually
Emotionally
Say this as a prayer, Or just journal it if you're not religious：
I believe that sex was created to feel great physically, and chat I am supposed to have a sex drive, and supposed to feel aroused, even if I don't feel that way right now.
•I believe that sex was created to make me feel loved.
•I believe that sex was created to make me feel like one with my husband.
Challenge for Him:
On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being the best), our sex life is:
Physically
Spiritually
Emotionally
Say this as a prayer, or just journal it if you're not religious：
•I believe that sex was created to feel great physically not just for me but also for my wife And I believe that God wants me to help her achieve that!
•I believe that sex was created to make me feel loved and cherished.
•I believe that sex was created to make me feel like one with my wife.
Wrap-Up Together:
Share with each other how you each rated your sex lives. Remember that if you have big discrepancies this isn't a bad thing; you're launching into 31 days together where you're going to grow closer and learn more about making this area of your life great. It’s important to start by taking stock, but give each other grace, knowing that you both are aiming to grow. If you're both heading in the same direction and are committed to the same goal, it doesn't really matter if you don't start at the same place!
Now talk to each other about what a great sex life in each of these three areas would look like practically for you. What are you aiming for? What would you both like? You don't have to understand how you're going to get there yet. That will come! The important thing is that you see that this was the way it was meant to be-and it was meant to be that way for you, specifically, too
Whether you have major hang-ups, or lots of hurts, or fears or doubts; or whether things are just mediocre; or whether your marriage has scars; sex is supposed to be a big positive in your life and in your marriage. See it. Picture it. Believe it!
If we can all start having a very positive and excited attitude about sex, sex would likely improve astronomically already.
And now, over the next month, we'll look practically at how we’re going to make it a reality!
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